Sunday, April 10, 2005

101 Reasons Why Women Should Become . . . .

101 reasons why women should become lesbians.

Okay, i realize that sounds a bit funny, but hear me out. This is a longstanding joke with me and Rob. This is how it goes -- We're watching TV or we're listening to music. . .I ask him something and he does this : "hmmmm? uh huh. . " OR he doesn't say anything, and just stares open-mouthed at whatever's got his attention.. he's tuning me out. He tunes me out fairly frequently. . so way back when, while miffed, I said to him "That's a reason why women become lesbians." He looked at me like i was nuts. I explained "women understand women." I don't want to even go anywhere else with this other than the understanding part! This has become a 24 year and counting, running joke between us. He won't talk to me when we're lying in bed at the end of the day and yeah, that's when i want to talk - but he's a man, so as soon as you turn out lights and eyes close, his brain shuts down. . . so i'll foolishly say something under these conditions and he, of course, will not respond cuz he isn't conscious and i'll disgustedly flip over and say "that's another reason. . ." Then there's the "facial hair" issue. . Rob is like a chia pet. . . he grows hair like there's no tomorrow!! So, he can shave in the a.m. and by the p.m. he's as rough as 20 grit sandpaper!!! and he thinks that i don't mind this??! well, by this time he knows that i hate it! so, if he comes at me to bug me with his scratchy face, I scream 'That's another one!" He also has this habit of wanting to hug me when i'm at the chopping block with my santoku knife!!! OUCH! This is not only annoying cuz i'm cooking and trying to do something here. . its dangerous!!! so, i'll testily announce: "Another reason!" Then there's the 'gas issue'. . . i don't want to seem indelicate.. . so let's just say that men are strange creatures. . . when they fart they want to celebrate! "WOOH!" or "Aaaah" or they have to lift up a cheek whilst seated. . or they let it rip then yell this primal yell of triumph. . . i don't get it?! So, for these and many, many other reasons, we have decided that a book should be written. . and now when i get annoyed with his 'manisms'.. . we BOTH say "Another one for the book!"

1 comment:

Lindsay said...

Ha ha! That farting thing is hilarious! It's so true too!