Monday, January 30, 2006
A falcon swooped into our next door neighbour's back yard, grabbed a little wren in its talons,
flew to the black walnut tree at the front of our house and, accompanied by half a dozen
jealous crows, dined on his little feathery entree in full view of my window, as I typed away!
Talk about random!! I'd never seen a falcon close up. He was large, with a snow-white breast and almost furry legs. His wing span was gigantic. As he ate his catch, the crows who sat on the higher branches of the same tree took turns dive bombing him in the head, in a concerted effort to get him to drop the prize. They seemed merely to annoy him, like a swarm of large, pesky flies buzzing about. All this kerfuffle drew quite a crowd of curious human onlookers on the street below, school kids, parents, craning their necks and tilting back their heads to observe this rare sight. Once dinner was done, off flew the falcon in all his majesty, accompanied by his squawking attendants. Random!!
I happened to look out this same window this afternoon to see a young guy lying on the street! Random!!! He did a sloppy somersault and then got up, adjusted his skewed touque, straightened his ski jacket and bent down to pick up the skateboard he had placed on the nearby boulevard and walked away. I didn't see anyone else. . well, with the exception of the recycling truck, whose driver was yelling something to this strange boy, but i couldn't make out what he was saying. d'oh! That was really random! It made me laugh.
My family has this habit, when seeing things on our travels that are lying on the road or sidewalk, of saying "Random piece of wood.", "Random shoe!", "Random pop can". This never ceases to amuse us!!!
Do you get those random things in your head that just aren't at all connected to your thought train?! Sometimes when those little 'brain pop ups' come along, they get spoken out loud and anyone who listens is always puzzled and most probably makes fun of you!!!! I try not to do that. . but sometimes i slip!!!
Random songs. Over one week ago now this random song popped into my head and I can't get rid of it!!! Ever heard "Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song" by B.J. Thomas?? This song and my brain are having a strange little affair. The jangly tune is scrolling through my mind and the words are doing the same! I don't want this to be happening. Help! I need a musical exorcist!!! Know one i could call??!!
Do you get those random cravings for food? of course you do!!! Sometimes i'll suddenly want some baked beans or maybe corn fritters. Maybe some salsa con queso. . in which i like to dunk mini pretzels. Ever want some home made chocolate chip cookies really badly?!!!! (with all that melty chocolate) geez. . can you tell i'm trying to be good?! That's always when those random food thoughts start surfacing!!! I saw a Pillsbury cookie commercial at lunch break. . a gigantic cookie was broken apart, the melted chocolate chips flowed onto the golden brown cookie. I was drooling. That giggling doughboy of theirs is the devil.
Here's one last random thought. I'm soon going to dance class. Our first ' dance through' with no extra demonstration or instruction!!! ay yi yi!!!! This session is especially challenging, with some hip hop, some jive and even some quick step. Every song has a different routine and all the songs are danced consecutively. . there's a huge variety of music genres. . . it is so entertaining!! We do get the odd break for water, in which we all pant like dogs in July (and drink like them too!!!) but you know, I couldn't possibly love it more if i tried!!! oh my gosh i could do this every single night of the week!!!
Anyway, keep an eye out for 'random' in your every day and enjoy! I think every day holds at least one random occurrence. Thank God. . a day without something different than 'the usual' is like a day without sunshine!! (we've been having too many of those lately!)
Saturday, January 28, 2006
i'm here in my mind.
Look, there's an extra lounger!!! Want to join me? We can just laze around and talk, or not. We can go for a dip when it gets too hot.
Forget its winter! Make yourself a fruity, coconutty drink, stare at this picture and repeat as needed: "I'm in my happy place."
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
4 Jobs You Have Had in Your Life
1. Clerk/receptionist at a steel mill
2. Child caregiver
3. Welcome Wagon events coordinator assistant
4. Medical Transcriptionist
4 Movies You Would Watch Over and Over
1. Trains, Planes and Automobiles.
2. Lord of the Rings Triology
4. Sleepless In Seattle
4 Places You Have Lived
1. Where i was born
2. Where i live now
4 TV Shows You Love to Watch
1. "Idol" (American and Canadian)
2. "Sunday" - CBC weekly documentary
3. Extreme Makeover - Home Edition
4. Places You Have Been on Vacation
3. The U.S. (lotsa places!)
4. Canada -out west, down east. . around and about. .
4 Websites You Visit Daily
1. MSN Sympatico
2. MedLine Pharmaceutical Index (job-related)
4 Favorite Foods
1. Turkey milanese with basil and tomatoes.
2. Roasted veggies with olive oil, s&P, fresh thyme, rosemary and garlic
3. A fabulous salad with feta and oregano dressing.
4. Pie -- most kinds i LOVE!
4 Places You Would Rather Be Right Now
1. Traveling somewhere I've never been.
3. Dance class
4. Lying on a massage table!
4 People You Tag to complete this
Copyright © 1999- 2006 Google
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Everyone needs to be clean. Everyone needs to have an inner sanctum.
Life can be so filthy. There is so little that's pure.
I need to be clean. I feel the badness in my soul.
Why can't i be happy for others without something slithering into my mind to ruin it?
jealousy. . .envy. . . anger
why does self and pride always work its way in to every thought or feeling (or work its way out more likely)? Why must i wish to be better positioned, or feel better? Why do i need praise? fish for compliments? crave affirmation? and if someone else gets this attention, why do i feel slighted?
Gifts and talents -- why can't i just be glad to have some? why must i go comparing them to someone else's? This is the insidiuous grime that cannot be lathered and rinsed away.
I can't even feel for someone until i put myself in their place! What's that? Why can't i just feel for them? When i really think about my true nature and its terminal self focus and how natural it is for me to think the worst, criticize -- my mind produces it and my mouth pushes it out there. Its like i have no control mechanism, no red light to stop my thoughts and words, not even a caution signal -- which is why apologies are necessary - but shamefully underused. Its all too easy, effortless in fact. After over 4 decades of personal experience, i now see myself for real. . i know my badness - its at the core level and this is why i need cleansing. I'm not like a self-cleaning oven, i need someone to do it for me. I've tried, it doesn't last, it doesn't work. This is basic humanity -- bad to the bone and desperately in need of some good.
Its deep in there isn't it? Nobody needs 'badness lessons'! We start young and we perfect it as we go along. We can deny it, justify it, excuse or wink at it - but that won't change our condition. We can turn over new leaves forever - they get old. We can try to wipe the slate clean . . . but it always gets dirty again -- its only a matter of self and time. We can will ourselves to be 'good' one minute and the very next, our good will evaporates. It can be so subtle, happens in degrees and little increments. A small white lie, a mean, stabbing thought, a tinge of jealousy, a little feeling put upon here, a bit of resentment masquerading behind a smile there. Do you feel these in your heart? lurking, crouching and coiled in there. . just waiting to strike out. Its so easy to tear down, label, gossip - it can seem fun, even entertaining -- making us feel great, better, elevated, smug. Raise your hand if you've caught yourself! Ever notice how people can find satisfaction when well knowns become has beens? People secretly like it when others fail at something. How quickly we can turn if say a couple we know breaks up - we need a scapegoat - we may say "Well, I've never like him." Fairweather stuff like that. . . How fast have i jumped to wrong conclusions, assumed something? judged someone? Where does the need to be superior come from? Why is it down in there, jumping out as sarcastic jibes or smart assiness? Why, if someone's more beautiful, intelligent or talented than i am, why do i need to find a flaw so badly? Do you ever drive yourself crazy with your bad self? Ever feel like Fred Flintstone when he was being a jerk and hurt Wilma, who then challenged him to be able to live with himself and cleared out to live at her mother's while he thought about it? After only a day or two with 'shadow Fred' he literally couldn't stand himself as he faced his selfishness - and he then begged his wife to come home and begged her forgiveness.
I've met my 'shadow self' and she's a bit@#!! I've come to the conclusion that this is why i need redeeming. This hideousness that's ever ready to take me over, spoil and ruin me and do the same to others, THIS is exactly why i am so desperately, desperately in need of cleansing, washing, saving. My condition (like the movie title) 'the human stain' is a very politically incorrect word, which makes humanists and agnostics alike cringe and cry out --- quite simply. . its sin. For which there is only one stain remover -- the love and sacrifice of Christ and the goodness and power of the spirit of God. By the way, it took me years to clue in to this and even more to believe this and I do believe it. I believe it from experience, from the active power of love, from seeing this in other lives and from knowing and feeling this in myself. Even so, i battle daily with that propensity of mine to go back to what i know, like a dog to its vomit, because i have a core flaw. But I have a will and i can use it to submit that inner beast to the power of love, of God and i can be clean and i can even stay clean if i keep submitting. Trouble is i don't like submitting it offends my pride!!!!! BAH! Life here in this soul refinery. . . is nothing if not a challenge to my free will. But you know, I like a good challenge.
WASH ME CLEAN Brian Houston Copyright 2002 - Thankyou Music*/MCPS
Album: "Rollercoaster" distributed by Kingsway Music
I am the one with the unclean lips
I am the one whose mind is jaded
I am the one with the impure heart
and all my innocence is faded. wash me clean in your river of mercy
restore my soul by a clear blue stream. . renew me again.
i am the one whose walk is faithless
I am the one who walks away
I am the one whose debts are many
and I am the one who cannot pay -- wash me clean. .
you are the lord who is my fortress, you are the lord who is my hope.
you are the lord who is my refuge. . the only safe place for my soul.
wash me clean in your river of mercy. . restore my soul. . . renew me again.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Thought I'd get a bit more personal, i like that. You too? We're about to start another winter week. Every week of winter brings us that much closer to spring!!!
I've been thinking about these 3 things for several days, and then tonight, on coming home from our weekly run to take our youngest back to uni, i thought i'd take a few minutes to sit and type some thoughts. I hope they mean something to you, like they do to me?
Thought stream 1:
Garbage. . . It stinks. Its rotten and gross, degraded bits and pieces of things. Its ugly. Its nastily contaminated with bacteria that would make me ill. Do you know what I love though? Every week i can take all the drippy, decaying things that can't be used and cannot stay where i live, for certainly they would pollute my home and harm my person. . and I can dispose of the mess in bags and take it out and leave it on the street. The best part, even more than removing it from my dwelling, is that someone will drive by, pick it up and take it away forever. They will bury it and I will never have to deal with it again. I love that. Its so cleansing to get rid of garbage. It feels better, it smells better, looks better-- its better for my health. Every Sunday night is garbage night. I always spiritualize this night, cuz its just so 'ripe' with meaning. There's no time when i gather garbage for disposal that I do not think about in a spiritual way. I won't elaborate. . but i'm sure as you think of it, you can see why i do.
Thought stream 2:
The wisdom of children. I love children. They don't 'do' b.s. They are more pure than we are. They haven't learned the complexities/falsities of relational living. They feel a certain way, they say it. They see something, they tell it like it is. You tell them something, they believe you. When they're really young, they don't care how they are perceived. They just are and they're happy with who they are. Sure they're 'people in training' so, sometimes they act like dorks. They're learning how to care about more than just them. . . in some cases it takes a while. They fascinate me. I like to watch how they behave. I like to ask them questions. They will unwittingly say or do the most basic, profound things that can actually make us take notice and learn from them. Today at lunch my grandson told us about a female classmate of his, who goes by the name of Carson. "She always kisses me. . . . .and I say ' I think I'm in looove'!!!" It was a hilarious moment. He's a lovey dovey guy. When all's right in his world and he feels loving and joyful he often loves to exclaim: "I love everybody in the world!!" I'm always sad when his Mommy has to remind him "Except for strangers and bad people." The complexities present themselves early, indeed must be presented. My granddaughter, Erica is developing her word skills nicely, she's not quite 2 yet. She's a delicate-looking but feisty and affectionate at the same time. The other day she didn't say anything, but she had selected a book from my rec room bookshelf. She came up to me and handed me the book, and motioned that she wanted me to read it to her. It was called "Christ, The Sum of All Spiritual Things". It blew me away. I know that she wasn't aware of it, but it was like God himself prompted her to do it, just to remind me of the truth.
Thought stream 3:
You never know when you might be challenged. I have a new friend named Lynn who owns a beautiful store. She sells antiques, retro items of all sorts, new things. Its a shop of wonder. . its like walking into her home and she welcomes you in that manner. We struck up an instant rapport. I love to go there to look forvery reasonably-priced treasures, but i go there just to talk to her too. Two Saturdays ago I drove there for a visit. I parked across the street and walked over. Just outside her shop front, i noticed a young guy dressed in fatigues and a bomber jacket, a black touque covered his head, the hood pulled up over. He was bearded and dark-haired. He didn't look a day over 20. He approached me and asked me "Is it all right if I ask you a question?" My sensors were on. . . he seemed okay. . no red lights went off. I answered "Sure." He asked "Do you know anywhere where I can get a meal and maybe stay? I've been sleeping on the streets and its cold and I'm hungry." It just so happened that I did know of a brand new shelter where he could have all his needs met. I told him where it was, though it was somewhat hard to describe, as he wasn't from around here, and I wasn't sure of the street name. He asked if the bus driver would know where it was and I said that was very likely. He asked if i had even a bit of change, so that he could take the bus. I gave him enough for bus fare. It was all I had. He seemed grateful. I felt so bad that this kid had to live like this . . He told me that he had gone to a nearby church with a sign that read "Out of the Cold". . but nobody was there. I told him that they stopped that program when they built the shelter. Then I felt bad that this kid went to a church and nobody was there. I know people can't be expected to live there. . but i just felt like maybe churches of all places should be 'open' 24 hours, grocery stores and fast food places are. . .
Anyway, he went on his way and I went in to see Lynn. It was nice to talk again. . a drunk man came in the store. Lynn was trying to politely shove him off. . as it was his habit to come in every day, hang around the store for hours, steal things when Lynn wasn't looking, ask for food, etc. That day he wanted to shovel her snow for money. He seemed desperate. Lynn told him that she was very busy and didn't have time to talk. She was. She later told me that he and several of his friends come around all the time. She gives them some of the designer cookies that she sells. She talks to them. I told her "Aside from wanting to steal for obvious reasons, i think they come here because your store is like home and because you're maternal and you feed them cookies." She confessed that sometimes she was afraid, because she's alone and she's not always sure if she's safe. I felt for her situation and I myself felt funny for the following reasons. . . i had this 8-seater van parked on the road, I could have taken that young to the shelter. . .the old guy too. But I had to guard myself because I was a woman on my own and we all know why that doesn't work. I felt bad because I knew that I had a lot of food at home and that i had a house and everything i needed in that house. I had people i loved in that house. . i didn't have to go stand in a store to feel like i was 'at home', or beg for food, or sleep on the street. I said my goodbyes to Lynn and I drove home, right past the shelter. I arrived home to a spaghetti and salad ready for me. All i could think of was this hungry young man with nothing and nobody and the drunk older man hanging around in a woman's shop because he had no place to go. Sometimes you can be really content you know, then you come face to face with people's need and loneliness and hunger you feel such a sense of _________________ what's the word I'm searching for?
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Last night Robbie and I went to Old Navy to use our gift cards from KK!!! we each bought a nice, cheap shirt. . and then my ever-tolerant man (who's not a big reader) took me to Chapters to use the gift card he gave me. . It was great. . I looked at EVERYTHING. I had my list: Kenyon, Didion, Cunningham, Robertson and more. . but the only one i got from the list was "Franny and Zooey" by Salinger. I got it for $7!!! Couldn't find anything else.
I also got 2 others. . great discounts. .
1. The Kite Runner - Hosseini
2. Shake Hands with the Devil -- The Failure of Humanity in Rwanda -- Dallaire
I'm sure everyone has their fave types of books. . . for different reasons. Classics, cult classics, romance, mystery. . I like lots, but here are some i don't. . .
Bodice rippers. They all have cover pictures of either "Blond Fabio" or "Dark-haired Fabio", wearing a white, open shirt - displaying his 6 pack and permatan and he's always savagely embracing a breathless-looking, Pantene shampoo commercial chick. Ptooey!!! what crap!!!
Autobiographies, biographies . . I don't know why, but I don't like them?!!! And what did i just buy? An autobiography!!!! I'm such a hypocrite. . As a rule i avoid them. . but this one has such a compelling subject. Rob said "Oh, you're gonna get mad when you read this. . " Yeah, I will and I'll probably cry and feel an impotent rage. . but this story. . its won a Governor General's Award and the Writers' Trust Shaugnessy Cohen Prize!! So, I had to get it. Two awards, 20% off, Canadian soldier, heartbreaking story. .
Alphabetical Mysteries -- A is for Axe Murderer. . B is for Blood. . C is for crap!!!
People and their clever animal sidekick mysteries -- Rita Mae Brown and "Sneaky Pie Brown". . i've read a couple of hers. . oh, what a clever feline. . cat solves the crimes and the owner takes the credit. AS IF!!!
Horror shlock books -- Koontz for example. . positively barbaric stuff coming from that man's pen. *shudder* Absolutely hate that style. . don't touch those now. Now I do think that King is a really adept story teller. . chillingly adept. When I was a teenager I read one of his earliest novels. . I can't even remember the title. I was reading it in bed one night. . HELLO? What was i thinking?! I read c chapter entitled. . The Bogeyman. . . I finished it in a cold sweat. . . I shouldn't have. I took the book and hid it in the top shelf of my wardrobe!!! and turned off the light. . I tried to sleep. . I was shuddering with fear. Sleep would not come to me. . I felt stupid. . it was only a story. . but what a story. I finally had to retrieve the book from my wardrobe. . I took it through the living room, into the front room closet and hid it on the top shelf. I don't know what i was thinking this would accomplish? But I wanted to get it as far away from me as I could!!! I STILL couldn't sleep!!! I think i gave that book away. . though it stayed in the front hall closet for eons. . I couldn't handle it!!!! BAH, WHAT A WUSS!
Books I like? well written ones!!!
Anyway, my keyboard batteries are low and i don't want to lose this!!! So, I'll let you know about these books. . I've already started "Shake Hands with the Devil". . . must get some more reading done before bed. I wonder if i'll have to take this book and put it a closet?! Scary.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
I kind of like to protect my family's anonymity. . so this picture was perfect. I know, i know. . i have my profile picture - but its so small its almost inconsequential!
We love it when the grandkiddies come to visit!!! They're so cute and fun. . this picture is already 5 months old - so they've even changed sine then. . esp. the length of Erica's hair!
This is a lovely nearby park, to which we used to bring our girls when they were little. . wow, do we feel old!!! Do you like seeing the green grass right about now?!!!
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
We all have 'em. . unique traits, foibles, penchants, tendencies, propensities -- they're interesting, they're hilarious, they're borderline?! I kinda like observing them in myself and in others. . it amuses me, I like it, it makes me laugh sometimes, other times makes me wonder how they got there. I couldn't figure out tonight what i felt like talking about. . i'm kinda sick about talking about sickness and hivey rashes. . which i'm still having a bit of trouble with!! *rolling my eyes with impatience* Maybe its this chair? This is the second time I sat here to blog and started with itching on the back of my legs! Good Lord, maybe I'm allergic to the computer chair!! I just went into the bathroom to haul down my pants again. .geez, that sounds bad!!! *just checking my legs for MORE stupid hives! * and yeah, there are some there now that weren't declaring themselves this morning! D'OH!!! Make it stop!!!! I verbalized my disgust and dismay to my faithful, fellow sickie Robbie. . and he just said "Take a Benadryl". . BAH!! I feel like an antihistamine junkie!! I can hear the strains of Jefferson Airplanes' "Go Ask Alice". . . 'one pill makes you smaller, and one pill makes you tall. . '
So, yeah, like I said. . I'm sick of sick. . and itchy skin and winter and grey skies . . so. . back to the quirks! I feel like making a list. . since my other blogpatriots (the blog version of compatriots) are listing stuff. . .. here goes mine. . and i just might mention some of my dear family's little flakies!!! *okay, so I will. . hee hee!*
* I can do 'double' sneezes. . in which i seem to do 2 sneezes within 1 sneeze. . i can't explain it. *I have this bizarre habit of uttering a word, a phrase, whatever and immediately after, the
very same thing will be said on a tv commercial, or by a television host, or on the car radio,
or some entirely random source - which simultaneous amazes my family and weirds
them/us out! * I hate the sound of people eating with their mouths open. . and this is to a point that I think its like a mental pathology than a quirk. . It makes me almost furious and if its bad i have to plug my ears or leave the area. If i can't do either. . i suffer and fight the urge to tell the
person, or to close their mouth with my fingers. This originated from sleepovers at Pammy Packer's house, whose mother, Georgina, scared and scarred me by screaming at my little friend. . "DON'T EAT WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN, YOU SOUND LIKE A PIG AT THE TROUGH!!!!" I was so afraid of that woman. . . I literally shook when i had to eat at her table. To this day I'm the master of closed-mouth eating!!! *I have to smell things all the time! I smell the dishwasher tablets. . often repeatedly. I smell the Downy and the Purex soap. . i smell the laundered clothes, sometimes repeatedly!!! I always feel fabulous when I smell good smells. I have to smell every product in the store before i'll buy it! It takes a while to shop! * I have to have notebooks and pens everywhere i might be in the house in case something cool needs to be written down. *I hate it when the sheets or blankets are not straight - can't sleep if they're all askew. . . *When I shower, I always wash my stomach first, without fail.
Here's just a few family quirks:
*My daughter, Lindsay constantly leaves things behind, especially her purse! She's been
like this since kindergarten: in the middle of winter she would come out of school without
her boots and not know where she had put them. . or her back pack, or her mittens. Remember "Forgetful Jones" from Sesame Street? They modeled that character after her!
* My grandson, James quotes Spongebob dialogue verbatim, with accompanying physical
movements of the characters. *My granddaughter, Eri always wants me to hold her up to the food cupboards and show her all the foods contained within! *My daughter, Kalyn has 2 favourite words: 1. Obviously. 2. Clearly. She also has a tendency to add extra vowels to words: "No" becomes "NO-AH!" This becomes more pronounced when she's riled up.
* My husband, Rob likes to eat the same things all the time because then he knows what
he's getting. BORING!!! He also must have long, 3-hour soaks in a hot bathtub every
Friday night!! During said baths he reads magazines and newspapers, which slide into the
water and get all puffed up to like 10 times their original size upon drying overnight! We can
always tell next morning whether he's fallen asleep! *My mother in law has a habit of tying her wickedly L O N G purse straps around the shopping cart handle in a complex series of twists and loops that would rival a Chinese puzzle. . AND. . . whomever is taking her to the grocery store, hears these words EVERY BLESSED TIME!!!: "See how I tie my purse straps, so that nobody can take my purse?" This gets HILARIOUS among those of us in the family who escort her every week, to the point where my family members will say to me: "I'll bet you a chocolate chip banana cake that she's gonna say that again." Originally I was stupid enough to take the bet. . . cuz i'm not usually the one who takes her. .and i thought "oh, come on! she doesn't say that every time?" yes, they were taking advantage of my ignorance and I didn't know what kinda of rigged bet i was making!! But after owing a couple of cakes to my family, i got wise to their shenanigans!! We all just know she's gonna say it. . and we LAUGH!!! just not in front of Mom!!!
All righty then!!! Now its your turn. I wanna hear all about your little 'things'. . .that is if you feel like sharing?! *which I hope you do!!! * I bet between us all we could come up with a book's worth of oddities and sillies!!! Or maybe something to post in the Canadian Journal of Psychiatric Medicine?!!! Nah. . i think everyone has their froot loopiness!! harmless fun at each others' expense?!!!! *wink!*