Wednesday, October 26, 2005

these have got to go!!!

mmmm. . . i'm eating whole wheat toast with peanut butter!! chasing it down with chocolate milk!!! I've earned it. . . i danced for an hour, then endured the fluorescent nightmare that is WalMart!!! So, yes, I'm eating my supper now at 10:30 p.m.!!!! ahhh. . . It also took me 15 minutes to get through the check out, cuz I had picked 2 items that had no price tags!!! BAH! I cruised the messy, messy *tsk tsk to you WalMart staffers* Halloween aisle. . though admittedly people get very frenzied at special times of the year and go all crazy flinging stuff around. My little girl used to work for Old Navy. Her take on the customer crazy messiness is "People are pigs!" LOL!!! I'm digressing. . .AGAIN!

This little thingie tonight is about words and phrases that have outlived their usefulness, maybe never had any? anything that is annoying, perhaps lifted from its cultural context and its use elsewhere is just dorky. . that kind of deal. So, here goes. . . and this, by the by, is a reader participation dealie! So, get your thinking caps on and post your own selection of worn out, sorry, lame, irritating and generally tired words, sayings, slang. .

1. "catch ya later" * oh boy. .
2. Snoop Dog vocabulary *i have had up to izzle with the fizzle* I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT
I'M SUPPOSED TO HAVE SAID HERE! SO IF I SWORE, DON'T GET MAD!!! This guy's inscrutable. . .
3. 'dude' *gag
4. stoked *double gag
5. the improper use of the word 'so' -- 'Friends' went off the air everyone!!!
6. 'touch base' * i have these baseball images in my head whenever anyone says this!
7. Speaking of baseball. . can we get rid of "Hey batta batta, sssssWING batta!!!"???? BLECH!
8. "having said that" *really, really . . . grrrrr!!!
9. 'in terms of' *double grrrr. . . deep six this one!
10. 'on the flipside' ugh. .
11. 'blow me away' (dated, man)
12. 'on the same page' *picturing a business ledger here. .
13. 'boo yah'. . . i HATE that! It makes people sound like cave dwellers
14. 'hot' can't we go back to saying that women are beautiful and men are
handsome? This just sounds so smarmy. . .
15. 'rock my world'. . . cheese curds. . .
16. 'slammin'. . . that just sounds so violent to me YIKES!
17. 'like, you know'. . . maybe not every says this one. . but i have a neighbour who says
this entire phrase approximately every 20 seconds.
18. any use of the word 'candy' paired with body parts: eye, ear, arm -- tacky..
19. 'my bad'. . . the abuse of grammar!!! oh, poor grammar. . .
20. 'at the end of the day'. . . D'OH!!! (hey, maybe d'oh's another one for some ppl?)
Back to this #20 phrase. . . I absolutely cannot stand it. . it is SO overused. I cringe, and
furrow my brow when i hear this icky phrase.

Okay, now its your turn!!! I can't wait to hear what you guys come up with!

Hey, here's a wee bonus for you, two HILARIOUS phrases that I picked up in my travels. . .

"as confused as a baby in a topless bar"
"he thinks he's the dog's danglies"

heh heh. . . those make me LAUGH!

Sunday, October 23, 2005

lessons from TLC

Robbie and I watched a couple of documentaries on TV tonight *more on those in a bit*. . it was an icky weather day today. . a time for cocooning and generalized vegetating, which I find makes me feel gross, but hey, clouds roll in and clouds roll out again. We had SNOW yesterday, very briefly. This didn't do much to improve most people's mood!!!! BAH!!! I went downtown on foot yesterday. . took the short cut away from all the main roads, cut through the pioneer cemetery, down the foot path, through the Presbyterian church yard, past the Queen's Square fountain, across the bridge over the darkly and certainly cold Grand River, to the market!! The air was cold, my breath hung in little, cloudy puffs as i walked. I had contemplated not going, after less than a block, the chill had driven me back home to put a vest underneath my denim jacket. I was determined that I would not let the weather push me around! So, I just hoofed it, to stay warmer.

The wind blew my hair all over. It felt great to move my muscles. My lungs were drawing in that cool air. Several people had their fireplaces going. . I smelled that gorgeous, burnt wood smell all the way along. I passed the old, stately homes, took in the look of the changing trees and enjoyed the display of burnt orange, red, yellow and warm brown. "How fantastic is this?" I thought as I continued my walk with purpose and anticipation. Time disappeared, I don't wear a watch, so that makes it easy! I walked by the empty outdoor bistros and the busy java joints. I ATM'd first, then set out in the direction of the 100+ year-old farmer's market building in the centre of town. I trolled the people-packed aisles, poking my head in at the display cases filled with meat, baked goods, cheeses. I settled on some foccacia (herb flat bread), some asiago cheese, then headed to the outdoor stalls, full of earthy-looking offerings. I nabbed 'carryable' things since I have no cart. Baby zucchini, 2 bunches of gorgeous, fall-coloured flowers, which drew comments galore from every shopkeeper I visited on the rest of my trek! I clutched my floral prize in the crook of my left arm, while all other bags swung jauntily from my right hand for the first few blocks, then seemed to hang progressively more heavily with every purchase - which I tried to remedy with bag and load shifting. Actually most of the weight was my purse, which was slung across my right shoulder - it definitely bogged me down. . i hate purses. *I was a 'backpack' girl for the longest time until my youngest daughter bugged me so much about looking like an overgrown teenager*

I managed to visit the chocolate shop, the stained glass store, the lingerie store, the home decor shop (where i nabbed some cute ghost candles and teeny decorative pumpkins) and threw in a stop at a 'junktique' store - could have done without that. . . blech. .

Walking home was good, a bit tiring but a good, well-earned fatigue that comes from fresh air and exercise. The rest of the day was spent doing house work, hanging with my daughters and grandkids. . working on the last bits of kitchen renos with Robbie! Pictures are forthcoming!!!

Tonight we made the trip to bring our youngest back to uni in the early evening. . when we got home we headed for the recliners to watch some TV. It was rerun city, so we flipped to see if there was anything worth watching. We landed at TLC and were transfixed by the stories of 2 families struggling with all the things we just take in our stride. . . breathing, eating, talking, having skin, a face . . .. living. Julianna was a sweet, honey blonde 2 year-old who was born without a face, Johnny was a 36 year-old man who had been born with an excruciating skin condition. We watched segments of their tortured lives with shock and compassion and tears (okay, the tears were mine!) I could not believe the things they were called upon to endure. I felt so strange. . why am i living this privileged life? I can do anything i want. . but often don't. I can walk downtown, Johnny couldn't walk at all. I can talk and eat and hear - Julianna has surgery after surgery to be able to do those things - 'eating' for her is liquid tube feedings. We had beautiful, 'normal' babies. . these families had severely abnormal infants with all the attendant suffering, stress, heartache and uncertainty that accompanied them; but they took it all and they shone. What a contrast. . our lives and theirs. It was really sobering to watch, but I suspect that as the days pile up in the near future, their stories will be filed in the recesses of my mind; that's what always happens. I only hope that I will make a conscious effort to live well and appreciate the life that's been given to me, not wasting or squandering it. I'm sure Julianna and Johnny would do that if they were me.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

talk to Jah

People often blog about religious things, I do too. I'm often wondering how they really feel. Some blogs I've read have been lots of Bible verses, or lots of assured confidences with lots of words like: "blessed", "church", "Bible study", 'worship" - which are all great words, but I'd also like to read words like "not sure", "struggle", "why", "how", "help". .

Jah. . i like that word. . its Rasta/Reggae for "Great One". . . they're probably NOT talking about Wayne Gretzky!!! LOL!!! I talk out loud to God sometimes, other times I talk from inside myself, most of the time i write my thoughts and prayers to Him. I try not to tell him what i think he wants to hear. . cuz he sees through that stuff. I try to be honest and lay it all out on the table, like this:

Dear God:
I appreciate you. I try to understand how much you give and have given, how much you have done for all of us. You made everything that is alive, living. You made the elements, the building blocks - the basic things that we don't seem to marvel at, but who of us could make these things? and who could live without them? When I was a kid i wondered about things like blades of grass, eyeballs, mother of pearl, clouds, orange peel, flowers' scent, fetuses in the womb, lava, water, what are they made of? wind and lightning, quaking of the earth. . have these things always been there, or was there a point when none of these things existed? The ancients seemed to have more capacity to appreciate creation. Sure they missed the boat when they didn't see you in it, but they had something we don't -- awe. I think we've lost it or misplaced it somewhere. I don't even think we know what it really is. Disaster seems to be the only thing that brings us that feeling of smallness and puts us in awe of great power. I want to feel awe without having to experience disaster.. . if that's possible?

You know I haven't been staying close to you, like I need to be. I love you and I miss you when I wander off. I find it hard to live and not be influenced by this world, which seems hell bent on writing you out of your own script. Sometimes i think we're all like lemmings running off the cliff. Its so easy for me to only trust what my senses detect. I admit to you that sometimes I hear people voice their doubts or even their bold disbelief and it makes sense to me. I get why they would doubt that there is a God. I'm not exactly sure how I came to be assured that you are real - I don't think there was a single moment when I had a zap or a pow that took me from skeptic to believer. I did better when i was a kid - i didn't doubt, i just flung myself at you when i heard the message of how much you loved me. But I grew up and grew out of that fickle love of mine and I strayed far. Thank you for taking me back, I didn't deserve it, but still you did. I don't want to spend time with you just to hedge my bets, like you're some cosmically eternal insurance policy or a 'golden ticket' to endless favour and ease. You know that I don't always stay close. . i get busy with trivial pursuits. I'm often side tracked, preoccupied and distracted. I feel my humanity pulling me away from you - its hard to resist that force. I'm sorry. I'm glad that you are all the things I'm not. . . faithful, loyal, generous, compassionate, strong. How do i know this about you? I guess you told me. I wouldn't know that on my own, until i'd run out of options and ideas and i started reading yours. You have great ideas, I don't understand them all. You have this counterclockwise way that draws me to you, yet also maddens me , though without you i become unbound and collapsed upon myself so I have to approach you to bind myself to you and here is my freedom? binding freedom? You seem backwards to everyone else I know. You tell me to love those who hate, pray for those who persecute, take your yoke on my shoulders to find my release, have faith in what i can't see in order to correct my vision and die to myself to become alive in you?!! You want me to live this way? Its bizarre, almost ridiculous to ask this of me if it wasn't for your powerful ability to make it all possible and I do believe that you have that ability, i have to receive it or else I have no chance. Its not easy to submit to you, but times when i have, i've felt different, lifted up, lighter. I love you because you give chance after chance and you don't run out of mercy. I respect you. There's this feeling I get when I talk to you, like a feeling of being 'okay' like things are right, even if they're not -- its not easy to explain, but you know what I mean. I know that we can be honest with each other, but i don't seem to hold up my end of it, cuz i keep getting tripped up on the same issues, like a baby who's learning to walk and keeps falling down. Even though we've been through so much you'd think i'd know that you're there. . . but sometimes you still seem invisible to me and i forget you and turn to the people I can see and touch.

I want to see you. I want to look beyond Bible verses taken as 1-a-day vitamins, swallowed without thinking. I want more than that. I want us to have a continuous dialogue, communication. I don't want you to remain in verses on a page, i don't want to think of you stuck in some building or limited to rituals or rules that flatten you or make you seem boring or make being with you like some duty or chore, some weekly traditionalistic fix. I want anything but that. I want the real, undiluted you. I can't get behind anything else. Help me live. We both know how much i owe you but i forget how large my debt load is. I love that you don't throw that in my face, but you speak to my spirit and i feel it there and my mind tells me that i can't repay you, but you tell me that I don't need to - its been taken care of. Isn't that what everyone's looking for? I want to depend on you, i don't want independence from you, i want to be totally dependent on your grace. Help me, its so against my nature.

Friday, October 14, 2005


This is a post about my husband. I don't have a picture in my photobucket, cuz i'm a lazypants and i'm technologically challenged!!

So, let me make a word picture of Rob -- right now he's down in the rec room jammin' on his guitar and singing away!!! I love it when he does that! He likes to do that late at night - provides me with some great bloggin' tunes!

I met Rob when he had just turned 16. woah. . . he's 44 now!!!! AI YI YI!!! I cannot believe that we are that OLD. Summer camp was the place-- everyone's just a hormone in running shoes. . trying to see who's gonna 'go out' with whom. The previous year I had a busy 'dance card'!!!! oooh la la, i was a floozy!!! stringing 3 guys along at the same time (it helped that 2 weren't campers, only visitors of other campers). I didn't even notice Rob that year! I remember his dorky friends, who strode around the campground wearing these 'robin hood' hats with these tall, arcing feathers that bounced crazily when they walked. I regarded them with what can only be described as disdain. *They had those giant L's on their foreheads!!!!* I guess Rob was guilty by association??!!! heh heh. .

When winter came along that year Rob caught my eye at this divisional church gathering. . i was in this speaking competition - his band was playing. There he was!!! right on the platform. . . this tall, skinny drink of water. . . feathered hair a la 'Bay City Rollers'. . blue eyes. mama! what a hunk (we said that in the 70s). Now it was his turn to ignore me! Can't say I blame him, as I was wearing a turquoise, chocolate brown and cream-coloured, striped velour tunic top, not one of my best fashion moments! I didn't even get close to him, for all the people that were there!!! I moped all the way home. Life went on. .

That summer I finally met him, Rob, the guy I would marry. I have no idea how on earth a 14 11/12ths year-old girl could POSSIBLY know that this boy she was crushing on would be her husband several years later. Indeed I knew. I didn't tell him that for quite some time. . scare the poor guy off or what?!!! "Hi, you're cute. . I know that we're gonna get married." Chalk 1 up for female intuition.

*Rob is tall. That was a big thing for me. . since I always wanted to be able to wear heels and still have my man be taller than me!!! I had dated a couple of shorties, and i got tired of slouching and wearing ballerina flats.
*Rob has beautiful blue eyes. Well, I think they're beautiful - and yes, women can certainly say that men are beautiful! why not?!
*Rob is a gentleman. I noticed right away when we started dating. . he would hold doors open for me, he'd open the car door and shut it after i was seated. He would walk out the outside always and when we crossed the street, he would switch so that he was on the outside. His mom taught him these things.
*Rob is exceedingly patient. How handy for me since I am quite the opposite.
*Rob is very 'relaxed'. . . one of his favourite things to do is sit in his recliner downstairs and watch TV. When we walk I always tend to end up 'pulling' him along if i don't slow down. . i find this sooo difficult!!! We've definitely got our 'oil and water' things. Speed is one of them.
*Rob is shy. Yep. . he's not the most talkative guy you'll ever meet. I had to really get his attention at camp that year of our meeting. The custom at the time was to steal people's Levi tags from their jeans - I tried my best to steal his - which never did end up happening - but it kinda got his attention what with me groping his butt and all. .
*Rob is hilarious! He does crazy, silly things sometimes. . he's like this giant boy. He has spikey hair (which i love). He wears a beaded choker, and earring in one ear and wears skater shoes. About his silliness. . one of his ongoing things is putting his hand, palm side up on any surface on which it seemed likely that i would sit. He's got me so many times with this maneuver. . i'm kinda wise to him now (should be after 28 years !) He will say random goofball things, like "OOGA BOOGA". . . for no reason at all. He will poke me just to bug me or try to 'do me in'. . which meant tickling me until i almost became incontinent. . which i truly hated. He stopped that many years ago *thank God!*
*Rob is musical. He plays the cornet (a style of trumpet) really nicely. He thinks he's no good. . i think he has fabulous tone. He plays the guitar , again I think really well. . he started when he was about 12 on this old guitar of his mom's - taught by this cool French Canadian guy who was a resident in the seniors' home his parents ran. "Ghostriders" was among his first songs! Rob sings really well. I love his voice, it has a ton of power and he has a lot of passion for what he sings, that's just so cool. He makes a great song writing partner too!!! I do the words, he does the tunes. . thank God. . since I can't write a tune to save my life. A while back, he recorded a song at this travelling booth at "Sportsworld" and he gave me the copy of it for part of my birthday present, which i thought was so romantic. . until I heard it!!! It was called "Since I Don't Have You" I thought "WHA???! Is he trying to tell me something here?!" . . turns out he just liked the song!!! I razzed him for a long time about that one! He did sing to me at our wedding. . i dissolved into tears, OF COURSE.
*Rob fixes things. He does it for a living now -- Rob is THE handyman of all handymans. He builds anything i ask for. . shelves, desks, book cases. . He does plumbing. . he does electrical, he fixes our vehicles, he fixes appliances. When he was a kid he took stuff apart to 'see how it worked'. . then he would try to put them back together. No one in his family knows where this came from, but his Mom says that it must come from his Opa Roed. He even looks like his Opa -- tall, with deep-set eyes, strong brow line and features, long face, long limbs. . he's definitely a Roed - and he has the Roed SHNOZ!!! but that's okay. . i have one ear that sticks out more than the other one. . so there!!! *he does tease me about this!*
*Rob is a great dad and granddad!!! When the girls were newborns he would walk the halls with them when they cried. . he'd change diapers, feed them bottles when they were weaned. . a real hands on Dad. His fave activity with the babies was nap time. . He would say to me "I think the baby is sleepy." to which i would say "ya think?!! He'd get a receiving blanket and put it on his chest, snuggle the baby against his heart, wrap another blankie around the 2 of them and he'd put his own head back and the 2 of them would fall asleep, while me the SUCKER would do dishes or laundry. . . oh man!!! He knew the secret! relax. . stop running around like a crazy person - things will wait. . our daughters are babies now, but they'll grow up and then they won't need me any more. He's right. I'm sure the girls are thrilled with their Dad. . he's a good combination of silly and strong. He'd try to get them to learn all about 50s music by quizzing them incessantly. . "Who sang Peggy Sue?". . Lindsay was a more willing participant. . she'd reply "Buddy Holly". . KK would always just say 'I can't know that, Daddy.' He'd play guitar for them at night before bed. . and he'd let them make up their own silly songs as he plunked out simple chords. . This is where KK would shine, making up imaginative songs about tigers and such. . He always sang the "Smack your bum" song. . which made the girls laugh! He'd imitate Guy Smiley from Sesame Street. . . the game show shpiel. . .SO FUNNY! made the girls squeal with laughter. Only imitations i had in my bag of tricks were Scooby Doo "RRRAY, RAGGIE!" and a weak Elmer Fudd "Ooooh, that wascally wabbit!!!" I had to face it long ago. . i'm the foil, Rob's the comedian. Now we've started a whole new round with our 2 grandkiddies!! Opa is cool! Opa is fun! They love Rob!
*Rob doesn't dance well. . d'oh!!!! i'm immensely sad about that - cuz i've long had these visions of us floating across the dance floor, ballroom style, or discoing (yes, I used to drag him out dancing with me in disco's hey day!! he was a good sport!) Unfortunately he's kinda got 2 left feet. . our couples dancing consists of us hanging onto each other and just kinda step shuffling around in endless circles. . but there's no one i'd rather shlump around with!
*Rob is colour blind. . to him, white is pink and vice versa, etc. He cannot distinguish shades at all. He once bought this pair of bottle green cords. Even though we'd only been dating about a year then, i thought this, given his dislike of the colour green, was really strange!! So I asked him why he was wearing green pants. He said "They're not green, they're navy blue!" I had to get our friends to tell him, cuz he refused to believe me!!! that was HILARIOUS! I called him "Mr. Greenjeans" forever!!! (anyone remember Captain Kangaroo?!!!)
*Rob makes the best chocolate chip cookies in the world!!!! oh yeah!!! I taught him once, and he just took it from there and elevated it to an art form! No one in the family dares to attempt these delicacies.
*Rob laughs loudly enough to wake the comatose!!! He slaps anything convenient, often the floor, as he will fall out of his recliner if something is funny enough.
*Rob collects 'dinky cars' and mechanical toys. . He has thousands of these. They're everywhere in our house. . I even have to sleep beside a display case of the things. . He used to assemble model cars and sometimes model airplanes.
*Rob's a night hawk - just like me!!! We are so much alike this way. . its weird - almost as weird as our shared love of 50s music when we met. . He thought when I told him i also loved 50s music that I was just saying that to impress him -- when he came to my house for the first time and saw my album collection his eyes popped !!!
*Rob is a movieholic - we have watched countless movies. . they've all become one big cinematic blur to me! but i'm almost as much of a buff as he is. .
*Rob is a great husband. He knows when to say "Yes, Dear" and when to say "No, that doesn't make you look fat." and the ever famous husband line: "Yeah, I heard what you said."!!! He never swivels his head to look at some other woman, if he does turn his head its cuz there's a classic car going by! He knows that dealing with me is sometimes like walking across an emotional minefield!!! and he seems to know what to do if a bomb goes off!!! Rob never puts me down and always builds me up. I find it hard to believe sometimes when I look at old pictures that we have an almost 30-year history!!! Are we those kids??!!! Is that possible??! I still remember that first night at camp when we seemed to 'click'. . and it was almost 'lights out' - curfew and we had been sitting on the old well cover by cabin 7 *out of bounds!!!* talking and sitting so close together. . we had to head back and he took my hand and held it as we ran. . my little teenaged heart did this back flip and it was just the best feeling ever in my life!! We still hold hands and now we're grandparents!!! ahhhh!!!

So, now you know a bit about Robbie! (which is what i love to call him). I do apologize for my rather lengthy posts, ppl!! I just cannot seem to ever, ever keep it short- especially when i write about things or people I care about! I think that i will post about my other family members. . but some other time. . its late!!! (again!)

Thanx for your extreme patience with my long-windedness!!! You guys are awesome!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

favourite things

these are a few of my favourite things:

*words -- i have no words to describe how much i love these arrangements of letters.
*music - it must be playing at all times!
*cute, small things --baby people, baby animals, miniature objects - when i see them i usually use my 'high voice' cuz the cuteness just turns me into a dork.
*smells -- i'm just addicted to wonderful, good smells - they make me so happy
*cooking -- i am happy when the stove top is cooking away and the oven is loaded up with delicious things. I love fresh herbs -i love delicious cheeses, i love breads, i love chopping things and stirring. . i cook with my hands, but my whole self goes into the process.
*baking -- makes me even happier than cooking! this is a lifelong thing of mine!
*writing -- wow, there's just no feeling like writing what's on your mind or in your heart. . its a religious experience for me. . another lifelong thing. .
* crying -- i love to cry, which is good cuz i'm very often teary and sniffy. . i'm not exactly sure why my emotions are so close to the surface - they just are -- i guess i could ask 'why is the sky blue?'
*laughing -- yeah, another of my very favourite things!!! its right up there at the top!
*spending time with my husband -- he's the greatest. I can't imagine life without him -- in fact, that wouldn't be life for me. . there's no one besides God who knows me so well and still loves me!!!!
*my children and grandchildren -- they are so wonderful and they make me so proud -- i get depressed if i don't see them often! i can't imagine not being a mom and a grandma!
*singing -- i love to sing -- this also is a joy thing. . really wonderful - especially love to add harmony - wing it as i go along.
*hugging -- this is just the most wonderful thing -- all warm and close to someone else. I know not everybody likes this and that's cool -- but I do!
*spelling and grammar -- yes, i'm a geek -- i have always loved anything to do with writing, and these 2 tools are key! I was among the last standing in classroom spelling bees. Incorrect spelling and sloppy grammar baffles me.
*dancing!!! -- love dance class. . love learning new combinations and steps. FUN!!!
*COWS -- i love the way they look and i love to drive into the country, pull alongside a field of cows and just watch them. There's something calming about being around them - i'm not sure what it is. . i guess its that they appear serene - i think my BP must drop when i watch them.
* pumpkins!!! these orange spheres have always fascinated me. I love to see pumpkin patches -- its like they're all in this big 'bed'. . all cozy among the vines and gigantic leaves. I also love to eat them in pies, loaves, cookies, i love to roast the seeds with salt.
*reading books!! -- again - writing, words, spelling, grammar -- books have it all!!! they rock!
*going for walks - i love to do things that involve other things - walking for instance provides great scenery - yay! it also provides many great smells! woo!!! good exercise - love to move it! doesn't even seem like exercise cuz there's so much to experience at the same time.
*taking pictures -- i see photo ops everywhere i go. . i especially love taking outdoor pictures and i love cool buildings, structures, etc. archways are cool, gates, linear things, rows of fence spikes, boards, shadowy doorways, winding stairways, fountains, there's never enough film!
*colours -- wow are they gorgeous or what?!!! shades. . so many variations - chartreuse paired with dark purple is magic, warm brown with orange, pink and dark blue, yellow and pale green, i love aubergine, cinnamon, gold, copper. . jewel tones are fabulous!
*swimming -- i love swimming - laps, not just splashing around -- breast stroke rules! also like the Australian crawl (side stroke), cuz almost no one does it! I don't remember a time in my life when my heart did not palpitate at the sight of a pool or a lake! Water in general makes me feel calm. . i have had a lifelong love affair with water! i love to be on it, in it. . around it.
*movies!!! -- Stories with visuals, how perfect! i love a good story. . a funny one, a sad one, a suspenseful one. .

well, that's certainly enough for tonight! Speaking of movies, I've got one to watch with Robbie! (Kicking and Screaming - with Will Ferrell)!!! It'll probably be silly, but geez that guy's so funny. . he makes me laugh hysterically!!

What are some of your favourite things?!

Sunday, October 09, 2005

i wanna stop and thank you . . .

Thanksgiving weekend is here. . different people celebrate it on different days, (we celebrate on Thanksgiving Monday). When I think of thanksgiving. . i thank God. When we say thank you we have to say it to someone, right? So I say it to Him. I recognize His giving to me and I direct my thanks to Him. I've always been puzzled that people will find it important to be thankful. . but to whom are they thankful? there has to be a direction to go with your thanks, there has to be a hand that gives in order for you to say 'thanks'.

I'm also thankful to farmers, they keep us alive. . no way around that. If not for their toil, their work, their knowledge -- we'd all starve.
I'm thankful for truckers and freighter captains and pilots -- they keep us alive too! Without them bringing all of our stuff to our stores what would we do?? I'm thankful for employers, without them we'd have no jobs! how would we live without income? I'm thankful for government (even though we Canadians are very critical of our system -- the thought of no system is frightening) I'm grateful for our country. . . i love this corner of the world. . i really do. Its beautiful and spacious, its free from tyranny and its so good to be able to call it home. I'm thankful law and order - anarchy and chaos sucks. I'm thankful for people -- there are so many people who mean so much -- i'm thankful for their lives and their love, their acts of kindness and their generosity. What would life be like without others to live alongside of? I'm thankful for the world and its wonders. What can i say about it? Its gorgeous, even under our mismanagement, its beautiful and stunning and full of the elements of life for us. Where else could we live but here? (I'm not picturing us colonizing Mars any time soon! though there is silly talk of it). Where else could we live? I'm thankful for really basic, elemental things like air, water, earth, fire. I'm thankful for things I can't see, like atoms, molecules, etc. I'm thankful for galaxies and constellations. . thankful for our furnace-like sun/star; without which we would be frozen solid and for the moon which pulls our tides and helps us to mark time and looks great when its full and bright . I'm thankful for animals and plants and the food chain! Geez. . . when i start thinking of all the things there are to be grateful for, where do i stop?

I thank God for it all. . . cuz I think He's behind it all. I'm thankful for great music and great smells and great feelings and great tastes and greatness in general! Little things and big things. . .I'm counting all those blessings. . My friend Peta often reminds me to count my blessings - especially when things aren't going so well. She's wise to remind me and I always appreciate the reminder. I even thank God for adversity, which really does grow character and test and refine me. I don't thank Him for bad stuff, but I thank Him for how He can help me when I'm knee deep, even neck deep in it.

I'm grateful to be able to feast and celebrate. . but I'm torn because I read of disastrous quakes that snatch away people's lives. . and I watch destructive weather systems that wreak billions of dollars worth of damage - flattening communities, bringing instant poverty to untold numbers of people just like me. Why do i escape this? Why am i okay, while others go through misery? I guess the thing is we all have our turn - nobody's immune.

So tomorrow I will cook a lot of food, I will serve it to my family and I will enjoy every bite of it, I will be grateful for the people I share my life with and most of all I will remember to thank God for all the ways He gives and gives and gives again. . He's awesome and that's a fact. I write this to say "thank you" to Him and I also write it to say " thank you" to all of you for reading my thoughts and for all your interactions with me since I've started this blog. You are also awesome and that's another fact. I feel very mushy and full of joy! I guess that's a side effect of counting my blessings!?

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! and if you don't celebrate Thanksgiving in your country or if you do and its at a different time of the year. . . take a moment to feel gratitude and count your own blessings. . you'll feel better for it.

Sunday, October 02, 2005


trying another colour! I love this periwinkle. . gorgeous!

I have a lot of things i could write about, but since my thoughts are drifting to matters of rest, i thought: Why not write about sleep? *does anyone know if we're supposed to put our thoughts in quotes?*

My daughter just told me to have a good sleep, I wished her the same. Of all the glorious things that life has to offer us, I think that sleep is right up there in a top 10 list, if there is such a top 10 list of life experiences. If there isn't, I could easily make one - but maybe another time - this is strictly about old 'shut eye'.

Wow, talking about sleep. . where to start?

I think that sleep is a mystery. I know all the reasons why we do it, i know that our 'operating system' goes to 'auxiliary power' for the duration, i know that dreams are all the things that scientists tell us they are. . but to my mind the whole process is mystical and even spiritual. Sleep is when we are at our most vulnerable, off guard, down for the count physically and mentally. . . it is also when we are most honest i think. A person can't pretend when they're sleeping. Their deepest thoughts manifest in their dreams, their ambitions cease, their work stops. . their childhood often surfaces. . . its a mysterious, foggy, marvelous thing.

Fetuses sleep - is it sleep, what they do while they are gestating? I'm not even sure!!! I've always assumed so. Maybe I'm wrong? But let's say they do, cuz let's face it, after the tiring birth ordeal, trying to sort out the gnawing happening in their gut that makes them screamy, growing accustomed to expelling waste and having to feel it, and having to feel in general. .( what sensory overload must be theirs?!!!), a good part of each day in their newly minted lives is all about sleeping -- 18 out of 24 hours' worth of it. Sleep = growth. Sleep = brain maturation. Sleep = a break from this crazed place they've popped into!

Children sleep - though they don't want to admit it!! Older babies and toddlers like napping. . they need to be napping! Parents need them to be napping!!! But young children - you even try to suggest that they need to go to bed, they get ugly, man! They've been around long enough by this time to know that if they shut their eyes, they're gonna miss something!!! They seem to live so much in the day that they're not even thinking of another day coming along that may also be potentially fabulous. . . they don't want this one to end!!! They employ many methods to stave off the sandman. . . stories, drinks of water, monster check, playing past lights out, getting out of bed, sneaking downstairs... personally I think these children are nuts! I loooove sleeping so much, i'm ready to 'drop and give you 40' *winks, that is* any time you suggest it! (if i don't have any caffeine in my system and if i'm not having a bout of insomnia, that is)

I used to have trouble falling asleep when I was a kid. . .that hasn't changed much really, ever. I shared a room with my sisters for many of my growing up years - i was always the last one asleep. I used to keep them awake much longer than they wanted to be. . .just so that i would have someone to talk to. When it was summer time and mosquitos had gotten into the house - they always droned in my ears and bit my flesh while everyone else in the house seemed to snooze contentedy. I could never figure this out. I had trouble shutting my brain down. . i still do. I would walk the floors at night as an 8 year-old kid, I do it now in my 40s. . . clock ticking, me tossing and turning or padding around the house in my nightgown. No matter where you put me. . . camp, sleepovers, holidays, vehicles. . .i can't seem to fall asleep. . it takes me forever -- everybody beats me to it. Maybe I just don't require as much sleep as others? I had nightmares then and I have them now. I was often afraid of going to sleep because I didn't want to dream those terrible dreams!!! I had a paralyzing fear of monsters, ghosts, the dark, things, shadows, odd noises, being alone -- I slept on back into my teens so that i wouldn't be surprised by anything or anyone. I would never let my limbs dangle outside the confines of the bedding. I had to do closet checks and under the bed checks. . geez louise, I'm a head case!!!!!

When I was really young i knew that I was finally falling when i would feel like that feather in Forrest Gump. . remember the opening credits? the feather drifting down, down, wafting in lazy circles. . . I actually saw a feather identical to that the other day as i was climbing my stairs to go back up to work. I looked out my landing window and spied this fluffy, white feather just rocking in the breeze. . i smiled. Another way that I knew i was falling to sleep, was my limbs, even my whole body suddenly jerking. . now I HATE when that happens, cuz it always startles the crap outta me!! But its always a bit exciting, because I know that my brain is finally letting go of the reins!!!

I'm getting lazy in my old age, despite battles with insomnia and too much thinking!!! *I can't even have music up loud enough that my brain hears the words, otherwise I will remain awake!* The older I get the more I love to sleep. . . I love to nap - when i work i have 'power naps', in which I dial up the timer to 15 minutes and sink into my lovely bed and zonk out until I hear the ding. . . which is most bizarre. . . cuz you know, Robbie and I have this alarm that shrieks in a manner like the shower scene music from Hitchcock's "Psycho". . . yet I never hear it. When our girls were little if they just whispered "Mommy". . I would wake from a dead sleep to go help them! I've always been unable to hear alarm clocks of any sort. . wind up jobbies, screaming mimis, loud music-playing dealies. . . can't hear them. When I was in high school my father had to shake me awake. . . if that didn't work, he'd get the lids from the pots and pans in the kitchen and bang them together repeatedly. If he was on the wrong shift, I was screwed. . . i often ran late!

So, I think that I can definitely see the shift happening. . I am beginning to like sleep more. . . so that means that I'm beginning to age, as we all know this means that give or take 30, maybe 40 years . . i'll be just like a baby again. . perhaps sleeping as many hours as they do, probably gumming pablum like they do, and wearing giant pampers. . oh boy. . . you know - i don't even want to go there!!! *i'm laughing!!!** anyway. . i'm all draggy and sleepy. . if there are any spelling mistakes, you'll know that at 2:30 i cannot guarantee coherence. I can't wait for 'touchdown'. . . which is what I call it when my weary head gets to touch down on my waiting pillow. . at which point I always say "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh". .