People often blog about religious things, I do too. I'm often wondering how they really feel. Some blogs I've read have been lots of Bible verses, or lots of assured confidences with lots of words like: "blessed", "church", "Bible study", 'worship" - which are all great words, but I'd also like to read words like "not sure", "struggle", "why", "how", "help". .
I want to see you. I want to look beyond Bible verses taken as 1-a-day vitamins, swallowed without thinking. I want more than that. I want us to have a continuous dialogue, communication. I don't want you to remain in verses on a page, i don't want to think of you stuck in some building or limited to rituals or rules that flatten you or make you seem boring or make being with you like some duty or chore, some weekly traditionalistic fix. I want anything but that. I want the real, undiluted you. I can't get behind anything else. Help me live. We both know how much i owe you but i forget how large my debt load is. I love that you don't throw that in my face, but you speak to my spirit and i feel it there and my mind tells me that i can't repay you, but you tell me that I don't need to - its been taken care of. Isn't that what everyone's looking for? I want to depend on you, i don't want independence from you, i want to be totally dependent on your grace. Help me, its so against my nature.