this woman's mind

Ever get so many thoughts zinging through your mind that you just want to blow a whistle to give them all a time out?! I do believe its a gender thing. Every woman i know is the same -- thinking, thinking all the time, often being kept awake by their overactive brains. Rob and I once watched a documentary on the brain. It was fascinating. Okay, this is a bit of a tangent, but its related, so please indulge me?! When Rob and I watch tv he's alert with regular programming, but man, you sit that man down to view a documentary. . . he checks right out. I watch him, which annoys him greatly, but i get a kick out of it! watching his head bob or snap back when he feels himself nodding off. HA!!! Before i know it, his mouth is wide open and his head's on his chest. I'm chuckling right now just thinking about it! In this documentary we were shown comparative CT scans of women's and men's brains - at rest and active. You know those scans where red, orange and yellow are 'hot' colours which indicate activity and blues and greens conversely are cool colours which signal lessened activity? The woman's AT REST brain was 50% MORE ACTIVE than the man's ACTIVE brain!!!!! When I saw that my whole life suddenly made sense!!! I finally knew why I was the way i was!!! *Of course I gloated for all womankind -- YEAH! FOR THE SISTERHOOD OF SUPERACTIVE BRAINS!!!* Rob good naturedly, as usual, endured my Ms. Superior pants attitude with great masculine grace. What else could he do when faced with scientific proof?!

I may have these supercharged neurons firing like there's no tomorrow within the lobes of my brain, but so what? I can't lie my head down on the pillow, shut my eyes and be gone like he can! So, its a rather hollow victory. More like a curse!! My thoughts are sometimes like crazy, sugar-high children running amok in the corridors of my mind. They're bumping into each other and trying to beat each other out for attention. I find they're at their most unruly when I'm trying to rest or pray or meditate. At other times i picture them as if they're students sitting at desks wanting the teacher to pick them. .You remember school with those kids? or maybe you've been one of those kids?! Shooting their arm up and supporting it with the other arm, waving it, bouncing in their seat, saying 'OOOH, OOOH, PICK ME!!!!'So desperate to be heard!!! Yep, my thoughts are like an entire classroom of those little buggers.

One of my thoughts tonight as i listened to a very cool CD, (Wide Eyed and Mystified by downhere) *sorry, i tried to create a link, but naturally it didn't work!! grrr!*
while Rob watched Detroit vs Toronto in baseball was, admittedly, a jealous towards men thought. I'm watching these men run around and swing pieces of wood and knock around this little ball (can you tell i'm not a fan?!)I'm thinking: "Imagine if a stadium full of people watched me work and cheered when I spelled a complicated word?" It was a ludicrous thought. . but it amused me. I imagined them doing the wave when I was able to properly hear a technical phrase from a difficult to understand accent. I have a really background kind of job, you know. . .it pays the mortgage. sigh. . .Sometimes i think that a career making dog biscuits would be more exciting. I also thought of my friends in this cool band (see above)*since I was listening to them!* They do their job to applause and screams and 'woohs' (I know that's not why they do what they do - but its probably nice!). . and the juxtaposition of that kind of public feedback for people doing public jobs; applying it to my beige job, well it was just silly but you can be guaranteed that next Tuesday morning when i get my headset on and i sit at my computer and start listening to droning doctors and start dealing with calculated aortic valve area values and the intricacies of the heart's structure and spelling impossibly long latin names for muscles, some of which I have to look up every flippin time. . I'm gonna be laughing most likely out loud at the thought of thousands of ppl cheering my performance!! BAH! AS IF!!! Whatever gets you through the day?! Geez. . Jon Lovitz gets paid God knows how much money to do those HILARIOUS Subway commercials. . Every time I see those things I laugh loudly! Nobody laughs when I work!!! WAHHH!!!! No, I don't want any cheese with my whine. . though my dog would probably love to have some!

So, while I'm listening to music and keeping half an eye on the ball game, I'm thinking of so much more -- The song "Stir" comes on and though its a cool song about stirring and being stirred in the best, most spiritual sense, every time i heard the word 'stir' all i could think of was cooking and a pot of something on the stove. . and i felt bad for thinking of cooking when I should have been thinking of the beauty of the message - but i kinda laughed at the way my mind works. . Its as if every single word or image is a trigger and all day long my thoughts are itching to be triggered. .and yeah, they're constantly being triggered POP, POP, POP! If you could see inside my head when i'm on the job, I don't even know how i do it. . I work my brain hard with the job lingo and the million and one things we have to remember technically and procedurally and i make myself crazy with all of it sometimes, yet its like i can assign the hard work to one part of 'the class' and the other part of the class is out of their desks, running around, chalking all over the board, climbing onto desktops and jumping off, rolling the trashcan around, getting each other in half nelsons, screaming, throwing spit balls and singing "this is the song that never ends"! I give myself mental fatigue. . oh, i wish I was a man!!!! . . a baseball player, Jon Lovitz, a rock star, Rob . . . Don't tell, but I would gladly trade my womanly cranium for a day, maybe a week or two, just to get some peace. Did i just say that? oh my. . .