Friday, June 16, 2006

breathing

I hate being an asthmatic. I especially hate it when i catch something that's 'going around'. The average person will get an annoying cold, take their nyquil or whatever and they'll be able to get through it. I get the bug and right away it descends into my lungs, my 'twitchy airways' start doing what they do best. . constricting. I get the telltale heaviness and pressure like I have a baby elephant laying across my chest. Usually it will take about 5 - 7 days to get into this kind of trouble for me. This time 'round it only took 2. It kind of scared me how aggressive this 'whatever it is' got in there. I had a scratchy throat for a day and a half and them this incredible fatigue, like i couldn't sit upright, you know? then the cough. . the kind that burns when you cough, and aches. There there's the breathing. . . yesterday i did nothing except work my shift and sleep every chance i got. today I took a walk with Robbie and the puppy!! *Maggie!* I was gasping on level ground and that was AFTER my puffer. Pathetic. I saw the doc the other day, he had a listen and wrote me yet another prescription for Zithromax (antibiotic). I think I should get him to do a standing script order, cuz this happens to me usually once per season.

He talked to me about trying Singulair again. . (once a day pill) I tried it before, didn't seem to do much for me. He said its 50/50 . . for half of asthmatics its a wonder drug and for the others, doesn't do a thing! Figures i'd be in the latter group!!!! When I took this in addition to my puffer i was spending $160 a month on asthma medications. Thank God for drug plans and for living in a country where health care is pretty decent and accessible. What would happen to me if I couldn't afford to buy the medication that keeps me alive?!

Anyway, I'm tired again. . gotta get some rest. Sometimes i dream of being able to breathe like I used to when I was a child, before all this. I don't remember what it feels like to ever get one complete breath. I don't remember what its like to not take puffers two and three times a day. I don't know what it feels like to go for a walk in the cold without my airways closing off. I don't remember what its like to be able to withstand humidity without hiding in central aired buildings. I don't remember what it feels like to get a normal cold. I don't remember not wheezing and I hate that I don't remember all of these normal things. bah.

7 comments:

Lindsay said...

How did all these breathing problems come about? I can't remember.

Kathryn said...

I've always had a tendency towards bronchitis/pneumonia. .having periodically had both from childhood. The big event was when i had that bad case of bronchitis, oh when you girls were still at Highland. . i couldn't breathe and that's when Dr. H said that i needed a puffer. We went to Myrtle Beach and then came back and got Suki. . remember?

I was diagnosed then. . at first i was in denial. . 'oh, i can't have asthma. .' then i had to accept that i did. . i still say 'bah'!!!

emma said...

aw man that must suck... i hope your feeling a little better now though?

supersimbo said...

cherith has asthma...........bit of a bummer really. We went for a walk once in a local forest and it kinda ended up in a long trek but i thought cherith was gonna die on me...........she kept saying she was fine but her breathing scared the crap outta me........

crazy

Kathryn said...

yeah, it sucks. I am feeling better, thanx! The drugs are workin'!! This scared me, it gave me no warning and didn't follow the usual pattern. Perhaps I'm coming due for my next pneumonia vaccine?

i know that its scary to someone who doesn't have it. .Rob and I have also gone out for walks in both extremes of weather, heat and cold. .not any more, its unwise. Last winter we set out. . and we got several blocks away. . i got into a lot of trouble. . i didn't have my rescue inhaler with me and I had to go inside a variety store to at least breathe warm air, while Rob ran home to get the van!!! I had to stay calm because panic will close you off faster than anything when you're already in a bad way. Everyone who's afflicted knows when they're in danger. Its really frightening. You have to be careful with emotional upset - it can bring on an attack very quickly.

Tee said...

If you don't read Xtessa already, you should read her blog - maybe search it for the word "asthma" - she has severe asthma and has described and posted about it so well. Sometimes it just feels better to know you're not alone.

(Plus she is just a really cool person to know.)

Her blog is at: http://deconstructingme.blogspot.com/

Kathryn said...

hey, thanx for that Tee. I haven't read her blog, but I will check it out.