Sunday, June 25, 2006

don't feel so bloggy

I'm feeling lately like i don't have much to say. This may excite some of you?! (as you anticipate a short-winded post?). I realize I have a tendency to 'go long', but I'm not usually cognizant of length so much as just going with it when i'm in the 'blog-writing zone'! The breeze is so fresh today. The climbing vines on the deck trellises are gorgeously green. I love the rustling sound they make as the wind disturbs them. Our umbrella and table/chairs looks really inviting. We've already spent some beautiful outdoor time. As I sit here I can see right through the sliding glass door and I feel like those cushioned chairs are calling me. Summer in this part of Ontario can be so lovely. Today I would say early summer beauty is at it's zenith. The flowers are all in bloom, though the grass is a tad on the parched side. Our planting is done. I'm saying a prayer for my now planted, dried-out perennials. They may come back? I hope so!! They got a dose of Miracle gro and i'm giving them lots of H2o. I love to enjoy the gardens. . just don't enjoy putting in the work! Maybe when I'm retired I'll become the stereotypical grandmother out in her gardens, weeding and pruning. I can't see it. . but I won't rule it out. Young grandmothers like me don't fit 'the mould'. I don't buy my clothes at Tan-Jay or Northern Reflections *massive shudder*. I don't know how to knit or crochet. I don't have dentures. I work full time. I don't wear high-waisted, tapered leg, or pleat-front pants! (God greatly forbid!) I don't call my grandchildren "dear", I don't have bifocals and I don't wear support hose.

I missed watching CBC "Sunday" today. . I slept in. (I did way too much yesterday physically and stayed up WAY too late!) Instead I sat down with a couple of good CDs. . . downhere's "Wide Eyed and Mystified" and Brian Houston's "Rollercoaster". I read my Bible. I'm working into the 90s in the Psalms. . and I'm in Colossians as well. . I journaled my prayers. I like that . . I'm really into journaling. . have been for years. I don't write a 'did this, went there' diary. I write to God and tell Him exactly what I'm thinking, how i'm feeling. . of course He knows and no, I don't have to do that. . its for me - but i think He loves that i write to Him. I thank Him, I ask him questions. I ask Him for answers. I lay it all out on the pages. What gives me a great buzz is that I can go back and write in the dates of answers to my questions and pleas. . its like proof to help me believe that He's the genuine article, which experientially I know him to be. I get a lot more out of sitting in the quiet with Him. . this is where I need to be at this point in my life. It may seem a bit 'isolationist' to those who feel it necessary to 'go to church'. For the past 2 years, this has been my 'church'. Maybe i'm in a desert place, but I'm at the oasis. I'm no longer wandering delirious and ragged with thirst. I'm not crawling on my belly in the dust. . I'm seeing a path and I'm walking it. I'm learning to be in relationship with the invisible Almighty. I love this time. I love how He's become my teacher, He's the one I look to and admire. He's the one I ask questions of. He's the one who is there for me, always. He's the one who gives me dreams. He's the one who takes up residence in my spirit. . He's the one who sets the example. He's the reason I exist and He's the reason I breathe, think, speak and move. I've learned that without Him I am a black hole of self. . . taking everything in and giving nothing out. The power of self is frightening but there is a greater power. I'm learning about daily, sometimes hourly what it is to surrender my will. . to His. If I surrender, I can change from a black hole, where no light gets out, to a supernova. . light exploding out from the centre, eliminating darkness. Its not my light. . its His. . not my power. . not my anything. . this is what i'm learning, its not about me, its all about Him. *i'm no expert on deep space. . but these seemed to fit in here!*

This is where I am in my spirit. I'm in training. I'm learning. I'm just excited to own a spirit! I know that I've always had one. . but it was given up for dead before I began to know Jesus and follow after Him. That is as honest as I can be. This is what my entire new life has amounted to, knowing and following. There's a lot out there to know and there are lots of people and paths and 'beliefs' to follow. . i've been there. . now I'm here with Him. . I like this much better.

Wow. . this started out to be about 'nothing', then shifted to the weather, then the desert. . now we're in deep space and in the spirit realm. .

I should go. . . its been a good day. Thanx for going along with me here. . yes, it was a little 'all over the place' but that's just how my thoughts are going tonight.


Tee said...

I hope I can get down as far on the spiritual path as you. I'm sure God is smiling on you.


Kathryn said...

Tee. . i don't know how 'far' i'd say i am. . I know I'm light years from 'once upon a time' when i was a rebellious idiot! Thank you for the encouragement, hon. We're on the path. . this is a great thing.

Amy said...

I envy your beautiful Ontario summers! I miss the sight of green so much! (I grew up in the miswest of the states and now live in sourthern california)

I love to journal my heart to God, too. I find its soothing and a great record of the journies He's taken me on.

Your post was an inspiration. Stay on the path, friend.

Kathryn said...

Hey, Amy! *i'd love to know what its like in Southern California!*

Journaling to God is so cool. . i agree!!! I'm glad to hear that you also enjoy that.

Thank you so much for your encouragement! Another path walker!!! I encourage you back! God bless!