disposable gotchies and maalox

oh man. . . i spent 1/2 hour watching ABC News. . . the "American feed". . . which is weird cuz usually in this country (Canada) our stations sub their own ads. . . anyway. . I learned some things in between commercials, like its taken over 1 billion dollars to 'fix' the space shuttle, i won't even touch that one now! and Atkins corporation *the eat as much gloopy meat and cheese as you want people* has declared bankruptcy. . . their product sales are down 50% - but in their hey day they bankrupted Wonderbread, got the Florida Orange Juice Growers mad enough to file suit and riled up pasta producers to the point that they launched a "Pasta Fights Back" campaign! People are nuts when it comes to losing their chub. . . They even talked about a book called the "3-Hour Diet". . . you eat food every 3 hours. . nothing new. . ppl have been talking about this for a while now, but its climbing up the best-sellers list. I could certainly handle eating every 3 hours. . but i can't say i'd always eat the right things. . So, that's what was on the "news", but it was the commercials that were driving me bonkers!

Drugs! The only non-drug spots I saw were for 3 different "wrinkle creams" that promised to 'de-crinkle' my skin and save me from going under the knife! yes, they actually used the word 'de-crinkle'! at least when they claim to have ingredients like "Boswellian"??? or copper they are attempting to sound scientific!! Then there were the denture products spots. . makes me want to wear floss necklaces so that there's no chance of me losing my teeth. . that would be traumatic! i love them!!

So, i kid you not. . these are the other commercials I saw in 1/2 hour:

*Maalox. . . poker players surrounded by salsa and nachos assured me that its 3 x more effective than the 'other brand'. . the cartoon maalox container even whupped the other brand container's *$@
*Lunesta (some mysterious drug that was advertised with a luminous, animated butterfly flying from darkened house to house - nothing else! I thought "sleep aid". . . but i'm not sure? it told me to 'ask your doctor')
*Phillips tablet laxatives. . they don't cramp like the competition does! (i spell checked this sentence to make sure the "m" was in the proper word)
*Some new prostate drug for men who keep 'going and going and going'. . geez. . i had to hear this man talk about his pee pee problems and i got to see an animated picture of his prostate and bladder. . . that was a treat.
*Daily aspirin to prevent heart attack risk - an athlete doing the butterfly in a swimming pool. . . come on! show somebody who's older, overweight and out of shape and you come close to the majority of heart patients who need aspirin therapy!
*"Cholesterol" vitamins by One A Day. . . i wasn't really paying attention why we need these?
*Ezetimibe to treat your elevated cholesterol . . . side effects may include nausea, vomiting, headache.. . dry mouth. .
--- excuse me, i'm slapping fruit flies in between points here! i'm hurting my own palms more than i'm getting rid of them! ---
*Nexium for acid reflux disease. . . how many 'diseases' can we have?

So, yeah, i kept thinking of the Huey Lewis song "I Wanna New Drug"!!
I also thought. . wow. . almost all of these conditions are stress related.

While i'm in the 'personal products' zone. . there's 'Tena' brand disposable undergarments. . . this particular commercial isn't an American one, I don't think? and i didn't see it tonight, but its been aired here in Canada about a year ago. . . "Forget Your Troubles, Come On Get Happy" swings in the background as elderly women dance and twirl and laugh over lunch al fresco. . . then the part that my husband Rob always shielded his eyes from was the image of a grey-haired woman seated on her bedside, pulling up her diapers over her dainty feet!!! He would always say "OH, MAN!!!" Next thing you know, this commercial was pulled and there's a new one with a scat music background. . . pregnant women, young, athletic women doing yoga, a pair of lithe legs dancing with her "Tena" gotchies showing, which look surprisingly chic! WHA?! . . new image. . for the young, sophisticated incontinent, there's Tena. Hey! maybe i should write commercials?!!! GAH!!!

aaanyway. . . just a little observation. I guess the 'drug' and 'delicate issues' commercials are a nice break from the constant food commercials!!!! I didn't even cover the 'feminine products'!!!! which is crazy!!! *i guess i was watching during a 'geriatric time spot'???!!!* cuz they weren't talking about wings or extra absorbency. . . thank goodness!