Monday, August 01, 2005

disposable gotchies and maalox

oh man. . . i spent 1/2 hour watching ABC News. . . the "American feed". . . which is weird cuz usually in this country (Canada) our stations sub their own ads. . . anyway. . I learned some things in between commercials, like its taken over 1 billion dollars to 'fix' the space shuttle, i won't even touch that one now! and Atkins corporation *the eat as much gloopy meat and cheese as you want people* has declared bankruptcy. . . their product sales are down 50% - but in their hey day they bankrupted Wonderbread, got the Florida Orange Juice Growers mad enough to file suit and riled up pasta producers to the point that they launched a "Pasta Fights Back" campaign! People are nuts when it comes to losing their chub. . . They even talked about a book called the "3-Hour Diet". . . you eat food every 3 hours. . nothing new. . ppl have been talking about this for a while now, but its climbing up the best-sellers list. I could certainly handle eating every 3 hours. . but i can't say i'd always eat the right things. . So, that's what was on the "news", but it was the commercials that were driving me bonkers!

Drugs! The only non-drug spots I saw were for 3 different "wrinkle creams" that promised to 'de-crinkle' my skin and save me from going under the knife! yes, they actually used the word 'de-crinkle'! at least when they claim to have ingredients like "Boswellian"??? or copper they are attempting to sound scientific!! Then there were the denture products spots. . makes me want to wear floss necklaces so that there's no chance of me losing my teeth. . that would be traumatic! i love them!!

So, i kid you not. . these are the other commercials I saw in 1/2 hour:

*Maalox. . . poker players surrounded by salsa and nachos assured me that its 3 x more effective than the 'other brand'. . the cartoon maalox container even whupped the other brand container's *$@
*Lunesta (some mysterious drug that was advertised with a luminous, animated butterfly flying from darkened house to house - nothing else! I thought "sleep aid". . . but i'm not sure? it told me to 'ask your doctor')
*Phillips tablet laxatives. . they don't cramp like the competition does! (i spell checked this sentence to make sure the "m" was in the proper word)
*Some new prostate drug for men who keep 'going and going and going'. . geez. . i had to hear this man talk about his pee pee problems and i got to see an animated picture of his prostate and bladder. . . that was a treat.
*Daily aspirin to prevent heart attack risk - an athlete doing the butterfly in a swimming pool. . . come on! show somebody who's older, overweight and out of shape and you come close to the majority of heart patients who need aspirin therapy!
*"Cholesterol" vitamins by One A Day. . . i wasn't really paying attention why we need these?
*Ezetimibe to treat your elevated cholesterol . . . side effects may include nausea, vomiting, headache.. . dry mouth. .
--- excuse me, i'm slapping fruit flies in between points here! i'm hurting my own palms more than i'm getting rid of them! ---
*Nexium for acid reflux disease. . . how many 'diseases' can we have?

So, yeah, i kept thinking of the Huey Lewis song "I Wanna New Drug"!!
I also thought. . wow. . almost all of these conditions are stress related.

While i'm in the 'personal products' zone. . there's 'Tena' brand disposable undergarments. . . this particular commercial isn't an American one, I don't think? and i didn't see it tonight, but its been aired here in Canada about a year ago. . . "Forget Your Troubles, Come On Get Happy" swings in the background as elderly women dance and twirl and laugh over lunch al fresco. . . then the part that my husband Rob always shielded his eyes from was the image of a grey-haired woman seated on her bedside, pulling up her diapers over her dainty feet!!! He would always say "OH, MAN!!!" Next thing you know, this commercial was pulled and there's a new one with a scat music background. . . pregnant women, young, athletic women doing yoga, a pair of lithe legs dancing with her "Tena" gotchies showing, which look surprisingly chic! WHA?! . . new image. . for the young, sophisticated incontinent, there's Tena. Hey! maybe i should write commercials?!!! GAH!!!

aaanyway. . . just a little observation. I guess the 'drug' and 'delicate issues' commercials are a nice break from the constant food commercials!!!! I didn't even cover the 'feminine products'!!!! which is crazy!!! *i guess i was watching during a 'geriatric time spot'???!!!* cuz they weren't talking about wings or extra absorbency. . . thank goodness!


Lindsay said...

Ha ha! Funny post, you can always tell what demographic group the show you're watching is aimed at by watching the commercials! Gold Bond anti-itch powder, Depends incontinence pants, Fixadent denture adhesive, etc. Those are the ads playing during the Coronation Street break! Commercials really drive me crazy sometimes, they can be really offensive and stupid sometimes. They can easily be shrugged off as unimportant, but even if you don't think anything of them on the conscious level, ideas are still being put in your brain and opinions are being formed even if you're not completely aware of it. That's the thing I find sort of creepy about the media - I won't say it can control one's mind, but it definitely influences it!

supersimbo said...

the things we would not know without tv!!!

Denise said...

Hear a man talk about his "pee pee problems!" ROFLOL! My word that cracked me up. Thanks, Kat!

Kathryn said...

hey honey buns!!! good to have your skinny butt back in blogland!!! i've missed you, Dee!!! glad as always to crack you up!

Denise said...

Well I'm glad to be back as well...and by the looks of things, I could be back for the year...fundage is not where it should be for september, so I'm a little pray too!

Kathryn said...

i will pray, Dee. . i would really love to see you go to Vancouver. . small loan possible? credit lines have good interest rates. . i dunno. . i just think this is the opp of a lifetime and i think you would radically change and grow, etc. be part of the hope for the S.A. and not part of its decline.


Anonymous said...

oh Kathy! you're too funny!!! interesting to hear someone put into "writing" what I've thought so many times! All these drugs that are advertised but never really tell you what they're for! Personal hygiene commercials that really don't need to be on t.v. - I agree with Rob when he hides his head at that point of the 'diaper" commercial!!!!! You're hilarious! What fun, reading your notes and thoughts!
luv ya, Mona

Kathryn said...

Mona. . its so nice to have you visit!!! drop by any time, you cute, little yummy mummy! How are those 4 kidlets of yours anyway?! Liking your new house? Trust Rob's doing well?

yeah, stupid commercials. . then again some of them are funny, so i guess we take the good with the bad. .