September activities. . .

bridge over the river. . . Rob, James and Lindsay














Erica, looking pensive on a walk downtown. .





Apple picking. . . fall fun!



















James and Erica, on the observation deck of the CN tower! a first time thrill for the grandchildren!!

My "Baby" is 24!!!!!

My firstborn is 24 in a few hours. . At this time back then, Rob and I were watching Jan and Dean in concert on TV while i was in labour and we wrote down my contractions on a piece of paper to see if perhaps there was a pattern?! It was 2 weeks early. . and we weren't sure if was i was in false labour -- i wasn't! The baby wasn't due until October 6 if i remember well? She had other plans, first of which included surprising her young, still 'wet behind the ears' parents! Which is kind of ironic, since now she herself hates surprises!!

This photo is hilarious. . it is one in a series of all of us holding the flowers - don't ask why, it was her sister's idea!

I wish that i had a digital picture of Linds as a baby. . she was a gorgeous little thing. I remember the nurses fussing over her and telling me how beautiful she was. Usually newborns look like they've gone a few rounds of boxing. . but not this girl! Me, however. . it sure felt like i went a few rounds!! I was a fool and declined narcotics. Imagine? Lindsay tells me I was insane. . and looking back, she's absolutely right!!! Wow, were we ever young when she came along. . the surprise thing again. . little did we realize how much our lives would change - you never do until the change happens!

This is her 'champagne birthday'. . . 24 on the 24th. . . so we are having a feast - the menu is all her choice. . .Mom's kitchen -- Shepherd's pie, glazed carrots, buttermilk biscuits and chocolate swirl cheesecake. . . sparkling apple cider to wash it all down. . (that's the champagne!) The presents are wrapped (yes, they're all surprises, even though she hates having to wait to see what they are!!! but she expects this from us). The house is decorated. . . . and soon we will party!!! I think i'll do a party blog after the festivities end.

Happy day, Linds!!! Your Dad and I can't believe how much time has gone by!!! You've been such a wonderful daughter. . so lovely and intelligent and unique - all your phases and stages and accomplishments. . we've been very privileged to be your parents. God gave you to us and we're so grateful!! Enjoy your day with your kiddies and when we meet for supper - we will play the Beatles "Birthday song". . and we will eat and laugh. . and perhaps watch another instalment of our family videos?! yes?!!! *can't wait to see what tacky 80s clothing we're all wearing !* HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LINDSAY!!!!

love always,
Mom
xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo (a kiss and hug every every year) 

sweet things

This is dedicated to all the sweet things in life. Sour things . . well i don't want to talk about those, other than to point out what we all know. . . how would we know what sweet was, if there was never any sour?

*sliced, fresh strawberries with wildflower honey
*a bargain on a good book
*awesome music - what more can be said about this life-enhancing language than has been already been said?
*attempting to do some booty poppin' when no one's looking! YOW!
*laughing with someone
*figuring your way out of a tough situation, using your resources, ideas and common sense.
*trying something different every time you shop for groceries - doesn't have to be expensive.
*sitting outside, being under the sky
*affirming others and receiving affirmation
*filling up your tank before the gas prices go up!
*pay day!!
*a fabulously-told story -- however it's presented: movie, spoken, written, visual imagery
*Fridays
*freedom from something that once held you down
*romance
*quietness
*UNself-conscious dancing
*aromas - of course only good ones, of which there are enough to make a zillion lists!!
*living with fervor ( trying to avoid the word 'passion', which i fear is becoming overused)
*stepping out of restraining clothing and footwear and putting on your 'ahhh' clothes
*tax refunds
*accomplishment - very sweet
*love, i couldn't leave it out, even though it sounds cheesy to say it, it must be on the sweet list
(again another overused word, yes? I'm just as guilty, ascribing love to anything and everything!)
*desserts!!!! I can't begin to express my fondness for 'second part'!
*sounds that please the ear - another mega list that will not be attempted
*freshness. . everything is best fresh, everything in every sense
*and since I must end this at some point. . . beauty, because it's sweet, lovely and essential. . no definition or parameters - i am aware of being encompassed by it every day

feelin' like i'm on the cusp of something. . but what?

Dreams?

Possibilities?

Restless, mid-lifey feeling? like something is looming on my life's horizon. . .
yeah, it's called death!!! LOL!!! i'm not being morbid - just practical! Of course it looms over us all, but that's not really it. It's something hard to pin down. Do you know what I mean?

I honestly do get really tired of myself, you know. I have an internal dialogue. . . maybe its more like a peripatetic whine-alogue. I wish i could do this, no, i wish that, no -- i've changed my mind. .that's too frivilous, that's too ambitious, that's not realistic, that's definitely not feasible. I'm middle aged and i do know myself well and have more security in knowing 'me' and knowing that i don't have to pretend or 'role play' like i did when i was very much younger.
That's where the restlessness crawls in. I should feel fine.
I've met the younger me goals: getting married to someone i LOVE, having lovely children, holding down a job. Check, check, check.

Yet i'm having trouble making sense out of things, perhaps directions, hints, nudges that i fear i may be too thick to receive or comprehend. . What else am i supposed to do?? Is there anything else? Am I destined to be in this job for the rest of my working years? or not?
How can i desire to do something of lasting value in my community, my country and yes, the world? I have fleeting moments of this kind of desire and I do feel and i give and i feel some more for others. . . but most often i'm just so about those who are dear to me. I feel still so unformed.

Sometimes I think that must do a big thing, but I'm not a 'big thing' doer.
Then I think it's about 'the little things', but they seem like a drop in the bucket.
I then think about medium. . what about medium-sized things? that seems like a good compromise. . but even medium scares me into a paralyzed kind of funk.
My spirit thirsts to be spiritual. Spiritual is truer, deeper.
My mind and physical part work against that desire. . like they don't want spirity spirit-face in on the fun - killjoy.

The other day i went to some lovely shops in another town - i enjoyed looking at beautiful things, i enjoyed talking to the people i met. . . i was happy, i bought a few things (some were gifts, a couple of things were for me). I felt strange. . . i was walking along with the bags in my hands, telling myself: "You're feeling materialistic and you like it!" Yes, I did like it and i felt strange that i felt like i had to shut my spirit out of that experience. . . why can i not integrate myself? Why do i sit in judgement of something like that? I wasn't paying $900 for a handbag, i was just in a little town buying a few things that together didn't even total $90. I know that when i was in the bakery buying goodies *doing some taste testing for my own 'field research' -- another blog topic!* I could think about starvation in the third world. . AIDS, human trafficking, terrorism, there's plenty more -we all know. . and I could feel strange about eating a lemon coconut square while the world groans with the collective suffering of it's people. But i've got to get a grip. . I can't be hyperspiritual. I can't be hyperphysical and though I'm very good at this last one, I can't be hyperemotional. no hyper. . just take that right outta there. I can be integrated. . I have to be. No one part of me should ever be outside the others, but it is, cuz three's an odd number and someone always gets left out. Not only that, but the combinations are always changing, so it's always a different part that gets neglected.

Angst is not the exclusive domain of the teenager.

I think too much, that's what Rob says. *he also thinks that i feel too much, but knows that i can't seem to help this* (he also thinks that sometimes i talk too much too -- cuz in his books, anything beyond a few words is 'too much'!)

Well, even just putting these words on this screen is just cathartic enough to ease my mind.

I can be whole everywhere i go. I can be spirit, mind and body all at the same time. I always get in trouble when i'm not. Still, integration aside, I feel something coming and it's driving me insane!!!! Is it just unfulfilled dreams, or undone deeds manifesting as this feeling of potential? Potential for what??! I can't assign anything to it, I can't fit it into anything. It just is.

Jimmy Jo Jo Shabadoo!

James is 6 years old today!!!
James loves to ride the seadoo and scream: 'woo hoo'!!!









James loves trains and planes and cars.
James has many names: (these are just a few)
James, Jimmy, Jimmy Coco Pop, Jimmy Jo Jo, Mr. McGoo, Puddin' (he gets this from great grandma!) Bud and Bud-boy.




James loves to be swung around by Opa. He's just winding up here!
James hates to sit still.
James loves history.
James is a little prankster.






James is just starting grade 1.
James loves grown up books.









James likes to be in perpetual motion.
James has cool hair.
James has a big heart.
James fills our lives with joy.
Happy Birthday, Jimmy! lots of love always and forever. . . . from Opa and Nana

Port Dover - 2 weekends ago

lying down, under the fishy umbrella.
deep breath in. . . . . .


exhale ,
ahhhhhh.

lying in the sun with Robbie on a beautifully lazy day.

the sound of the waves,

the gulls.















sitting at light house point. . didn't want this day to end!!!