"I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow." That was going through my head while i was working this morning. Great little love song, don't know off hand who sings it? I thought about the words and i gradually started to become very impressed with them, really impressed. Of course its coming up to Valentine's Day, of which I am a HUGE fan!!! I start focusing on love and hearts and glorious sentimental stuff. I never really need to be nudged to do so. . .I'm pretty mushy every day of the year. Back to the love song -- You know, this one line says everything. I think its the most full of promise, optimistic, committed love song ever penned. For one thing it covers all time. . past, present and future! Not every love song takes the long view. It says that love is alive and increasing!!! How sweet is that?! Never lessening, going from 'good' (yesterday) to 'better' (today) to 'best' (tomorrow). Its the boldest declaration of love, outside of the Bible, that i think i've heard. I would even go as far as to suggest that its the 'gold standard' for all love-ers and love-ees, which would be the lot of us!! Who doesn't want someone to say that to them? and live that out with them? Ahhh, that's the stuff we want.
I thought about love and then tried to separate the romanticism from the essence of it. Not easy, but its do-able if you make a conscious effort and what did i end up with when i did that? Well, more questions!! They went something like this:
Is the essence or the 'guts' of love something i can have for everyone? is that even possible? If I'm leaving God out of it, no, its not. . 1 John 4:7&8 "Love comes from God and those who are loving and kind show that they belong to God and that they are getting to know him better. But if a person isn't loving and kind, it shows that he doesn't know God, for God is love." So if say yes i can love everyone, then why do i lock my heart up and give only some people the key? self protection? fear? trust issues? past hurts?. . I give the best of my heart to the people i know who have passed these tests, and the others. . perhaps i ration some 'love' to them. .give them a little spoonful, cuz that doesn't cost me much and i probably wouldn't miss it.
Another song came into my head at this point. . because as I thought that even though i do feel for others and feel sorrow when they are sad and joy when they are glad and do what i can to help them, I still know of my deep-down tendency to be a miser. I have a lifestyle, but do i have a 'lovestyle'. . is generous love my 'm.o.' ? Would people say that's true of me? If not. . do i know what love is?
"I wanna live, I wanna give, I've been a miner for a heart of gold. . . .I've crossed the ocean for a heart of gold. . " How dogged and desperate!!! that's huge desire there. I wondered did Neil Young mean that he wanted to find someone who possessed such a heart? Or did he himself want to possess one? or both? imagine searching and searching for this? Imagine crossing an ocean for it? digging, digging, mining, growing old? This sounds like life to me . . . Maybe he wanted to find God and couldn't?Maybe he longed for a good friend and couldn't find one? Maybe he wanted his soul mate and couldn't find her? Maybe he wanted to be more loving himself? Maybe he needed to feel 'home' like love makes you feel. . that comfort and feeling of acceptance, knowing it would never diminish.
I didn't expect myself to be so affected by a few phrases from a couple of songs. . but songs have this power to stay with you. You know, thinking about these words was such a challenging thing for me today. I can't believe what they triggered -- thoughts like: "Why is it usually easy to love the ones who make it 'worth my while' to do so? Do I risk loving the ones who don't?" This is really the test. I guess I can say that I'm just so glad that there are 'make-up tests' in this 'subject'. . every day is a make-up test if you think about it and every day brings chances and choices to love and live it and choose it. That was bigger than I had intended. .but not nearly as big as it could have been. I don't think there's a bigger thing than love. Nothing is any good without it. Nothing withstands as much or hopes as much as love does. Nothing gives as much. Nothing means as much. I didn't really do it justice. . i just wanted to talk about it a bit. Thanks for listening.
love, from me. .