Sunday, December 04, 2005

cold and beautiful

Its so great to see the sky, white clouds, blueness instead of greyness. Its cccccold but its so beautiful. I'm sitting here beside my sliding door, looking out as i write this. I left a poor, little pumpkin out on my deck from Halloween!!! I'm ashamed!! It looks so pathetic, topped with snow. I guess I should put it out of its misery and chuck it.

Got some shocking news from my friend Moni this a.m. We know a lady named Rose who went to the church we both used to attend. It seems that Rose was in a parked vehicle with her sister, waiting for Rose's husband to come out of the grocery store. Rose just slumped forward in her seat and died of a massive heart attack. No word came from lips -- she didn't have time. Her husband went in to get some food, and he came out minutes later to the car, to find his wife dead and his sister in law in a state of disbelief, sorrow and shock. THINK about it!!! ahhhhh!!! I mean we all know we're gonna go some time, but somehow we don't believe it will happen? Rose was . . I can't imagine that word applying to her. . was, past tense. . gone. . Rose was an immaculately coiffed, artfully clothed, cheery, organized, maternal, woman's woman. wow. . this is just so weird. I feel bad for her husband and son. . her sister, all their family - her friends. Everyone says stuff like "life's short", "here today, gone tomorrow", ' livin' on borrowed time', "when your number's up. . . " wow. . .its strange. . isn't it? People die all the time. . but how can we ever really get used to that? Someone I know instantly died in her car yesterday, but i look outside and the clouds are blowing through the sky, the sun is shining, cars are driving down the street, i'm here typing on the computer and its all so strange. I don't even know what to say - i want to put more words down but i don't even know what words to use.

there's something sobering about reminders of our mortality. . striking just the right tension between awareness of living life in the shadow of the knowledge that one day it will cease as we know it -- which right away opens into depths of philosophy, spirituality, eternity and questions of purpose - this is good to contemplate. yes, it is good. One thing that often comes to my mind is something i read somewhere that goes like this: People most likely won't remember everything you said or did, but they will always remember how you made them feel. That, almost more than anything, surfaces in my thoughts, especially when it comes to contemplating how i'm living this life i've been given. I shudder to think of the many times I messed up, acted like a graceless, selfish pig and/or caused anyone hurt. I'm really glad that there is such a thing as forgiveness - the challenge is to ask for it. I don't know about you, but sometimes i'd rather rot than ask. . stupid, i know. pride rears it ugly head.

Tonight I'm listening to a 'teaching CD' with my husband and our friend, Glen. Looking forward to it. The CD series is entitled "Walking In Love". I've listened through the whole series. . wow! its a series of messages on what it means to 'walk' in love. . live your life with love. . what that looks like, what it feels like and the responsibilities it brings. Its excellent. . its tough medicine to take sometimes, because it calls you on behaviour, attitudes, it challenges you to deal with things you'd rather not deal with. . I love that . . i may not always like it. . but i love it and i need it.

So, I do realize that i am still supposed to post pictures from the recent festivities. . and I will when i get my daughter to send me those pictures!!! I have a roll in my camera now that's almost done. . might have to wait till it get it developed, then i can scan them and post those! I must get with the program and go digital. . .yeah, i'm never among the first to go with the new technology -- i'm lazy and not anti-technology, so much as procrastinating -- perhaps its more about prioritizing? Not to mention that I've always preferred to deal with 'word pictures' than picture pictures!

7 comments:

supersimbo said...

picture pictures............post em!!
ha, how are you kat? i think i have ad a good break from blogging............ah the peace!
nice to see your still posting innovative original content..

Tee said...

Wow, I just don't even know what to say after reading that. It was just so well written and thought provoking.

I'm particularly feeling your words because the way my Grandpa died was so similar. He was waiting in the car while my Grandma ran into the library. When she came out he was slumped over the wheel. (Heart attack.) ... God, it still makes me so sad.

What are these tapes you're listening to? Is there a link?

Kathryn said...

oh ally, i will. . i have to depend on my daughter sending the pix she takes on her dig. cam. . and she's on exams right now and has no time, etc. . Yeah, i've missed you, bud! how's the new job? thanx for your encouragement!

Tee!! i love your picture! thanx also for your comment. I'm so sorry to hear that your grandpa died in that same fashion. . my grandpa died of cancer 2 years ago. .it is sad.

the CDs i'm listening to. . you can go to: www.joycemeyer.org
and click on 'resources' (i think). . she has an online catalogue. I highly recommend her. . she speaks really bluntly sometimes and says the things that need saying. . no b.s.

EternalPerspectives said...

Ya, what a shocker in regard to Rose; Two weeks ago I was sitting at her table discussing the freedom and victory we as Christians have because we believe Christ had power over death! Rose loved to see people grow in their faith. Last Tuesday there was a Ladies Night Out that she organized; she wasn't feeling well but she went anyway. For the first time ever Ladies Night Out was sold out; they actually turned people away! I know a lot of people but I didn't recognize 1/2 the crowd! When I asked Rose where everyone came from she said she didn't know! She told me people were calling her for tickets! She was so excited about it; and the speaker that night was so focused on Christ it was awesome. In many people's minds; including Rose's it was the best Ladies Night Out ever! That's the way I want to go; knowning I'm serving Jesus here on earth and leaving with no pain.

Kathryn said...

Rose will be missed by many. Whenever i saw her do things, organize events, she always put her all into what she did. That's so great. I'm glad she loved God and she seemed to love people too. . what else can be said? cuz really, that says it all!!

Lindsay said...

Death is surreal. When you hear about someone dying, you instantly think, 'he can't be dead, I just saw him yesterday!' Even though you know in one part of your mind that death can strike in a literal heartbeat, our first reaction is to deny the possibility of such a thing happening! And then, the fact that the world goes on, people still go to work, kids still go to school, etc. seems almost cruel in contrast. You know what I mean?

Kathryn said...

i know what you mean and it is surreal. Do you remember how i told you about our long-ago friend, Fraser? Me and dad were friends with Fraser and his fiancee, Kim. . . We had set up this night out for the 4 of us. . Fraser came up to our apartment in his 'leathers' (he rode a bike). . to talk to us about it. . . the next day he died. .aneurysm. He was only 20. . we were shocked. . absolutely - cannot be. . we JUST saw him! It kinda freaked us out. . the visitation was very weird. . We do seem to have trouble accepting this when such sudden deaths occur.