cold and beautiful

Its so great to see the sky, white clouds, blueness instead of greyness. Its cccccold but its so beautiful. I'm sitting here beside my sliding door, looking out as i write this. I left a poor, little pumpkin out on my deck from Halloween!!! I'm ashamed!! It looks so pathetic, topped with snow. I guess I should put it out of its misery and chuck it.

Got some shocking news from my friend Moni this a.m. We know a lady named Rose who went to the church we both used to attend. It seems that Rose was in a parked vehicle with her sister, waiting for Rose's husband to come out of the grocery store. Rose just slumped forward in her seat and died of a massive heart attack. No word came from lips -- she didn't have time. Her husband went in to get some food, and he came out minutes later to the car, to find his wife dead and his sister in law in a state of disbelief, sorrow and shock. THINK about it!!! ahhhhh!!! I mean we all know we're gonna go some time, but somehow we don't believe it will happen? Rose was . . I can't imagine that word applying to her. . was, past tense. . gone. . Rose was an immaculately coiffed, artfully clothed, cheery, organized, maternal, woman's woman. wow. . this is just so weird. I feel bad for her husband and son. . her sister, all their family - her friends. Everyone says stuff like "life's short", "here today, gone tomorrow", ' livin' on borrowed time', "when your number's up. . . " wow. . .its strange. . isn't it? People die all the time. . but how can we ever really get used to that? Someone I know instantly died in her car yesterday, but i look outside and the clouds are blowing through the sky, the sun is shining, cars are driving down the street, i'm here typing on the computer and its all so strange. I don't even know what to say - i want to put more words down but i don't even know what words to use.

there's something sobering about reminders of our mortality. . striking just the right tension between awareness of living life in the shadow of the knowledge that one day it will cease as we know it -- which right away opens into depths of philosophy, spirituality, eternity and questions of purpose - this is good to contemplate. yes, it is good. One thing that often comes to my mind is something i read somewhere that goes like this: People most likely won't remember everything you said or did, but they will always remember how you made them feel. That, almost more than anything, surfaces in my thoughts, especially when it comes to contemplating how i'm living this life i've been given. I shudder to think of the many times I messed up, acted like a graceless, selfish pig and/or caused anyone hurt. I'm really glad that there is such a thing as forgiveness - the challenge is to ask for it. I don't know about you, but sometimes i'd rather rot than ask. . stupid, i know. pride rears it ugly head.

Tonight I'm listening to a 'teaching CD' with my husband and our friend, Glen. Looking forward to it. The CD series is entitled "Walking In Love". I've listened through the whole series. . wow! its a series of messages on what it means to 'walk' in love. . live your life with love. . what that looks like, what it feels like and the responsibilities it brings. Its excellent. . its tough medicine to take sometimes, because it calls you on behaviour, attitudes, it challenges you to deal with things you'd rather not deal with. . I love that . . i may not always like it. . but i love it and i need it.

So, I do realize that i am still supposed to post pictures from the recent festivities. . and I will when i get my daughter to send me those pictures!!! I have a roll in my camera now that's almost done. . might have to wait till it get it developed, then i can scan them and post those! I must get with the program and go digital. . .yeah, i'm never among the first to go with the new technology -- i'm lazy and not anti-technology, so much as procrastinating -- perhaps its more about prioritizing? Not to mention that I've always preferred to deal with 'word pictures' than picture pictures!