sweet tooth

I have a confession to make. . . . I have the most wicked sweet tooth and its gotten me into a lot of trouble, i still carry around in my head several silver amalgam fillings courtesy of good, old Dr. Reilly in Hamilton -- i didn' t know what floss was as a child and i used to neglect brushing and i had no parental guidance in this area - so i would scrape the gunge off my teeth with my fingernails while i watched TV. . which my 'now self' finds apalling and if dwelt upon long enough nausea may ensue. Trips to 'the doc' - and there were many - always meant fillings. . (they seemed not to have sealants back then, or floss), they meant reading the Bugs Bunny comics while the freezing took effect and always a chance to choose a glorious bauble from the 'treasure box'!! *that would of course turns my wrists or fingers green, but that just added magic to the item - cuz i didn't know that meant it was cracker jack box cheap!!! * Anyway, after the office visit my mother would take me and my sisters (she always did a 3-fer while she was at it) to the restaurant right next to the dental office. Its name eludes me. . . but i always wondered why she would buy us lunch when our lips and cheeks were numbed beyond belief and we all drooled like teething babies? Maybe she did this on purpose so that we wouldn't cost her too much $$???!!! It also seems quite strange to take freshly fluoridated molars and get them all gunked up with food immediately after being cleaned???!

Anyway, speaking about all those 'sweet somethings' have also left their mark in the form of subcutaneous body fat. . it seems like the preferred areas are the derriere and the gut. . that is where twinkies magically metabolize into junk in the trunk. . 'dunlop disease' (it done lop over my belt). . even just the aroma of baked goods would begin the fat cells in there multiplying!!! So, how do you stand a chance with this kind of history?

So, I grew up this way, call it conditioning, call it programming. . whatever. . its just an addiction that i have had to fight my whole life. grrrrrrr. . . . my sisters know what i'm saying. . and maybe some of you too?! If you had examined the bags of groceries coming into my childhood home on a Saturday morning, you would find all kinds of goodies: "Florida orange cake", bear claw pastries, 'swiss rolls', date turnovers, packaged cookies, boxed cheesecake mixes, cake mixes, 5 minute fudge mix, pies, tarts, mille feuilles pastries, chelsea buns. . . I feel sick!!! That was for my parents -- we had CANDY!!! tons and tons of it. . every kind you can remember, plus we ate ice cream and our Nana would bring us donuts, cookies. . . Sunday night suppers were comprised entirely of sweets. . jam tarts, cinnamon buns -- i kid you not - roast beef dinner for lunch and desserts only for supper. .

We ate other things too, of course. . but there was a familial addiction. My parents also had an addiction to radishes, which they ate by the bag -- do you wanna know about gas?! WOAH!!! There was also their potato chip shame . . they bought industrial-sized drums of these. I didn't get a grip on it until i became a teenager and realized when i had lunch at school or ate over at friend's houses, that other families did not eat like this. We used to get sick all the time. . we had a lot of skin infections and stomach problems. . I guess my Nana told our mother to give us cod liver oil. . So one day our mother came in the kitchen with this jar of what I can only describe as fishy-smelling contact cement. She would make us line up and give each of a whopping spoonful of this taffy-like, day-at-the-wharf smelling crap. We gagged and retched. We got to the point where we tried to avoid those times of the day when she would get out the spoons. . . finally, thank the good Lord she gave up on that nonsense. . . as if a spoonful of fish product goo could atone for feeding your children garbage food?

Anyway. . . i've left the past. . bodily and nutritionally. I''ve camped out in the land of skim milk yogurt, whole grain products of various types, raw vegetables, lean meats, sprouts, fruit that isn't packed in syrup and I have overcome the terrible habits of my childhood, or have i???

What do you think i always want after eating my la de da nutritious food? sweet crap
What do you think i crave when i see food commercials on TV? not the Wendy's chicken ranch sandwich that the dark-haired guy with the outspoken, raucous, cowboy-hat-wearing 'ranch tooth' wants. . ."RAAAAAANCH!" My tooth wears a beret and a string of pearls and yells "FUDGE BROWWWWWWNIES!"
What do you think is the first thing i turn to when i'm under stress or emotionally upset? chocolate. .
What do i go for when i'm on the job and lonely and bored outta my skull typing for 8 hours alone trapped in the house?! with only a snoring poodle under the bed for company. . . I think about eating mini oreos. . not a lot, but some.
What do you think i would choose for seconds if i have the room? not meat. . not spuds. . . PIE!
sure i might eat only the filling if the pastry isn't good. . but if it is, i'll eat the whole piece.
Why do these kinds of foods call out to me? A pie cannot just sit on the counter. . nooooo, it knows me by name and it lures me and says things like "just trim a little piece off for a snack, COME ON!!!" or it might say "that piece is uneven - just even it up there. . its only a bit" I swear, sometimes i wanna go COOKIE MONSTER BESERK!!! UMMMMYUMMMYUMM.. . with the same googly eyes and crumbs flying. . . but then i realize that if i did. . i would indeed weigh 300 pounds and i might have a 'second butt' out front and that's just nasty. . not to mention that i would probably become as a sick as a dog. . . its a lunatic feeling this feeling of uncontrol in the guise of control. . .

What is wrong with me? Why do i try to fix emotional problems with chocolate chunk cookies?
Why do i want to keep eating just cuz it tastes good? even though i know friggin' well that there will be more left at another time?
Maybe i should be lying on an analyst's couch here??!
WAH!!!!
Even though I have trained myself to eat nutritiously, and I really do eat good food most of the time. . . the demon is still in there. . . suggesting, tempting, luring. . can it never just go away and leave me alone? Can I not crave a bacon mushroom melt instead of a piece of chocolate cake? why do i have to crave anything? Why can't i just eat just enough to take away the hunger and not more than i need?

oh well. . . i guess its time for bed. . and you'll be proud of me. . i'm working out 5 days a week for an hour a day. . I am trying to keep 'offending' demonic goodies out of this house. . . though its hard to do that when you have grandkids and skinny daughters who like to have the occasional sweet bite to eat. . . (you'll be double proud of me cuz i didn't do that to them!!!) I am trying to learn that problems aren't solved with bakery items, or by the baking or consuming high glycemic index baddies. . St. Paul had a thorn in the flesh to contend with. . . i have boston cream donuts. . . equally contentious, i'd say!