Tuesday, March 11, 2008

right down to the real nitty gritty

there's something about being squeezed in the vice of pressure.
you'd think you'll be crushed
and in some ways you are
but paradoxically, you may feel as if you've never been stronger.

i've had occasion to step into another person's shoes literally for a week and a half.
i have 'become' her for all intents and purposes and i don't think i've ever had more respect for the myriad of things she does in her high pressure job. you know that old saying about never really knowing someone until you walk in their shoes. . . so true.

funny thing about being pressed to your limits,
you discover things about yourself that you would never know otherwise.
things like:
i can make it through this day
i can do this
one task at a time
prioritize or be paralyzed
call upon the knowledge you've taken in
don't be afraid to fail
if you do, get back up
take help
learn from your mistakes
don't give up

as i've been thinking through what all of this is teaching me both professionally, emotionally and spiritually i feel depleted and worn, but at the same time, more vital and energized.
at some rock bottom moments, when panic tries to overtake me, boggles my mind and threatens to shut me down. . . i reach past it and i ask for help. . . on the job to others who can help me and in my spirit i reach to God who gladly gives me strength at my absolute weakest. . .
I'm still in a swirl of chaos, but in it i am changed and able. .
it feels nothing short of miraculous.

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