Monday, February 18, 2008

kick

depression keeps rolling in and settling,
unwelcome
winter doesn't agree with my psyche.
not that it ever has, but i notice it a lot more in the last decade or so.
maybe i need a head shake,
or maybe just a good, swift kick?

i hate when all the things i enjoy, i can't seem to enjoy
reading. . don't want to
baking. . no, not interested
dancing, didn't feel like it tonight. .
writing, not in this state of mind. . .
if i sit down and write something,
i just end up deleting it.
my words are all locked up in my head, i can feel them in there.
they're being unruly and they won't come out.
seems like too much effort.
these ones made it, but they're not 'writing', just complaining.

the weekend was busy and enjoyable.
i had goals and met them.
i was distracted from the blahs by having lots to do.
today, day off work - you'd think i'd be ecstatic?
woke up to a completely open day and i just wanted to crash and do
absolutely nothing. .

yeah, i think i do need that swift kick.

2 comments:

emma said...

those are good words though kat. i feel like that so often. it's actually taken a lot of disciple for me to be using my days wisely this past month or so, when i havent had any regular day-to-day routine. the past week and half we had great weather in glasgow, and i noticed how much it affected my mood too, totally picked me up. but i am also learning to value and even to grow to love winter too, not just the physical season but the winter seasons in my life. winter is such a time to be reminded how small i am and that everything i do and have and am is a gift from God above, who strips away and leaves us vulnerable, and then who builds us up and restores our weary souls.

Jonny & Julie Pollock said...

Sometimes we get annoyed that we start out to do some stuff, and before you know it you have done billions of things but nothing you had planned to do. It just gets added to the list grrrr....

Keep your chin up, we're praying for you!

Jonny & Julie