Friday, June 15, 2007

whatever pops into my mind

Yesterday i saw pictures of my preborn grandchild! The resolution in ultrasonography has improved so much from the 80s, you just can't compare those greyish/white 'blobs' with today's intricate, any- 'joe'- can- see- the -details. Its amazing the way we can peek into the inner sanctum and see a forming life.

Work is going well, 2 hours shifts, who can complain about that??! I'm getting back into getting up early and being out the door with a purpose. It does wonders for the psyche. Its too easy to feel aimless when every day is wide open with no structure. . its hard to stay motivated. Physio is ongoing and my physical progress is astounding when i think of how it felt when i was deep in the pit and how liberated i now feel -- free of strong narcotics, free of near-total inability, free of mind-addling, spirit sapping pain. I sleep, i have begun to exercise, i feel like i'm able to pick up my life again and take it back. I have turned the corner! I am no longer despair's prisoner. I feel possibility and hope for full living.

My dog weighs 9 pounds, 2 ounces and has a clean bill of health. She had her hair cut and bath last night. She has yet, after all the groomings Rob has given her, learned to relax and let him get rid of that excess fur. She jerks and moves constantly, resistant to the end, panting crazily, uncooperative in the extreme. Its an exhausting process both of them! I usually get drafted to help when it comes to trimming her underbelly. I'm pretty strong and she's pretty tiny - but trying to pry her hind legs apart is surprisingly difficult. I sometimes wonder if her tendons are made of high-tensile steel wire? She's looking very adorable and her fur, which feels like half her weight, is in the compost bin and all is forgiven.

I don't have a name for this colour, hard to describe, but today i discovered another blue to wear besides pale blue. . its very saturated, a cross between turqouise and teal. Looks good with my hair and my skin. It also makes me feel happy. Colour has this way with the brain. . . interesting.

Learning is one of those things that helps with humility. I hope i never get to the point where i think i know a lot, because i think that's the point at which i couldn't be taught and that's the point at which i would begin to harden and seal off. I want to say more but i don't know how to order the thoughts or assign them words. Its been a time of plumbing the depths and being just unable to sound them -- as if they could be. . .

Its little joys that make things so swell -- having more gas in your tank than you realized, catching up on the household paperwork/bills, meeting up with someone you've missed, cooking the rice perfectly, sleeping in a freshly-made bed, feeling at home, finding beauty where you least suspect and feeling the potential of who you aren't yet but one day will be.

9 comments:

J9 said...

Another grandbaby! Wow! It wasn't until I came across your blog that I found out you had 2 wee ones already, now a 3rd! Shows how long we've been out-of-touch! Hope everything goes well, and that everyone stays healthy!

Glad to hear you're feeling better, too. Pain is, well, a pain! Sometimes, I think God allows us to feel pain, so we'll know the joy of not having it, instead of taking our health for granted.

God Bless!

sjsimbo said...

thanks for your comments kathryn, its good to be back:)

kathryn said...

you're welcome, Stevo. . cool profile pic!

electroluminescence said...

Kat! you're blogs are truly, seriously my favourites.
i love your honesty & the fact that you DO just write what pops into your brain. i do the same thing. :]
i don't think i could ever give up writing my thoughts & sometimes i feel like "blogging" is going down the drain.
I do wonder sometimes if anyone is reading my words...but really, keeping track of my memories is more for ME.
I feel like things have become alot less personal too.
Why is it easier to have conversations through the wires than to spend precious time with people...in person!?
or even just call on the telephone.
i seriously talk to my friends in distant lands... more than i see the friends who live in the same city.
i think it's kind of tragic myself.

anyway.
your stories are superb.
but i definitely got a chill when i read about the man who hit his wife on the street.
i'll be keeping that family in my prayers. :[

kathryn said...

Cee, you're such a dear person!!! I looooove you! Thanx for your lovely comments. I was really affected by that family, seeing that man hit his wife on the street like that. shocking. I have prayed for them too. I love to keep up with your blog too, hon. The "Electro excitations" on Blogger is mostly pictures. . do you have Xanga or do you blog on Myspace? xoxo

Tee said...

Congrats on another grandbaby :) When is he/she due?

Nice to read a happy, positive post and good to know things are going well for you.

kathryn said...

hello, Tee my friend!!!! Thanx for your visits - they always make me happy :) Your blog is SO enjoyable- you rock!!! Its one of my 'always must check' blogs! ha ha! The grandbaby is due on or around New Year's Eve!!!! oooooh!!!!!

Amy said...

I love your last paragraph.

kathryn said...

hey, Amy! So nice to hear from you. Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad you loved that paragraph! How are things in So Cal?! Things are good here in So ON!!! (southern ontario, in case you're scratching your head?) xo