Thursday, June 21, 2007

silver is not my favourite colour

I like to live with certain illusions, eating dessert often is okay, the clothes in the 'ironing pile' will be taken care of by the chore fairies, our debts will some day be gone, i still have shiny, dark hair. I'm firmly in touch with reality.

Yes, my hair is dark right now, but give it another month and you'd be pulling me aside and saying "Hey, Cruella, don't you think you should see someone about that white stripe?" *BIG SIGH* George Clooney and Richard Gere are very secure with becoming silver foxes. Oh, i wish i could share their bliss. Am i vain? I don't think so, i'm too insecure for that!!! Is this superficial? Of course it is and i chastise myself mentally for fixating on such a nothing deal, yet to me it has 'something' status. Since my greying journey began i've used different, desperate methods to deal with the issue. I've turned to purchasing 'youth assistance' from WalMart -- L'Oreal was good for a while, though i always felt like it looked one dimensional. I gave Garnier a whirl -- BIG mistake. . i purchased some mahoganyish shade -- ended up with purple hair. It was plain embarrassing. I felt like my head was a giant eggplant. It made my skin look sallow. Horrible. I eventually got tired of the self-help colourization and decided to leap into streaks, chunks and went a bit wild with them . . . . ash blonde, caramel, purple, blackish brown -- not all at the same time!!! Funny, i hated having the Garnier purple hair, but fast forward a few years and i'm paying someone to streak some of my hair what colour? Barney purple. Hypocrite! Really though, it was cool! Jenny is my pro and she does a great job of hiding my silver hair, though she actually thinks the silver is cool and that i should just let it shine. BAH!!! As if!!!! I really hate it. It makes me feel different about myself and its not a good different.

When i first started to go grey i was 20 years old. I have a sneaking suspicion that the area of my head in which i first started to have these horrible white strands was the actual area on which had dropped several large tins of frozen juice from my Nana's freezer, as i crawled under there when things were being loaded/unloaded? This was unfortunate and may account for not only prematurely white hair but perhaps for any sort of mental state i'd like to assign to the incident?! But where could i begin?! I used to pull the greys out. Kinda hurt!!! Eventually i had to stop . It reminded me of trying to deal with dandelions on my lawn. . losing battle.

I wasn't ready to resign. I'm still not. I more recently got rid of the streaky look and went with a nice, warm brown. Wow, what a difference!!! People asked me if i'd had a makeover?! I guess so!!! They said i looked 10 years younger (yeah, yeah, that's good. . .) My eyes looked different, they're actually almost greenish gold and i always thought they were just 'brown'. My skin looked different, better different. I didn't want this to change, i wanted to keep the illusion, but nothing ever stays the same and i happen to have very fast growing hair. . so now the silver is re-emerging in a 'halo' around my temples, at the crown. I read Proverbs 16:31 Grey hair is a crown of glory; it is gained by living a godly life. and i think: 'Geez. . . i must be the most glorious chick around, cuz i'm so crowned!!!' Why do i fight this trivial thing? Shouldn't i be natural? go grey gracefully? embrace my Grandmotherhood (well i do, but i still can't bring myself to embrace the grey) What's my problem? Its good enough for George Glooney. . . but he's a guy! Guys. . this is one of those double standards; greying men look 'distinguished', greying women look 'old'!! I want to reject this and say "Poppycock!" or "Balderdash!" but you know what? its true. I have no grounds for dispute.

So, yeah, i'm developing a skunk stripe and its making me depressed. Time to call 1-800-Jenny!!! I have talks with myself that go like this: "When i'm in my 50s or 60s i'll be okay with it." Yeah, right!!!


J9 said...

I hear ya! I'm trying to deal with the advancing silver as well...I'm trying to put off moving on from "camoflaging highlights" to "complete over-haul", but I'm thinking the time is coming! :P I'm too young for this!!!

kathryn said...

oh, us poor dark-haired women have more trouble with this. . the silver and white stands out in such stark contrast!! I've been saying: "I'm too young for this" for the past 25 years of my life!!!

J9 said...

I blame mine on Doug -- the silver strands started appearing after I married him! ;)

Tee said...

I don't have any greys yet but both my sisters do so I know they're on the way.

It's kind of upsetting because since I was a teen I've always dyed my hair - lighter, darker - whatever. Now I'm finally 28 years old and grown my hair out to my natural color for once. LOL. Now the greys will come.

I hated keeping up with dying. It's never ending... I'm hoping when they come in I'll be secure with the fact that I am just a foxy older woman, but I doubt that will happen. LOL.

electroluminescence said...

ohhhh, kat! you are indeeed glorious!
I think what little gray/silverish hair you have only makes you look wiser & not older!
besides the fact that you look far younger than you are, [not that i'm calling you old! hahahah.]
Silver's a pretty colour. i love shiny things!
I know it doesn't make you feel any better... but you are absolutely beautiful inside & out!
i'm just hoping i age as gracefully as you! thankfully my hair is maybe that will help when it's time to start losing my colour!

hahahah. i definitely thought "bombastic" meant explosive & out of this world too. i use it all the time. & totally never used it in reference to profane language. geeze louise! well. i make up my own words all the why not make up our own meanings? we can use bombastic how we want to! hahahah.

chef ramsey is definitely out of control! that's for sure. but you can't help but love him. all of his shows are amazing. & i LOVE Hell's Kitchen. i just wished i actually loved to cook!
so who do you want to win their own restaurant. i don't really like ANYONE this season. Julia's the nicest though & keeps her cool in intense even though she lacks in the skills & knowledge... i think she would be the most successful at running her own restaurant!

aaand SYTYCD! ahh. i don't even know what to say.
i think the decisions this week were wayyy better. Jesus was a cool guy....but there was NO WAY Danny & Neil deserved to be in the bottom three! Neil definitely danced for his LIFE! & yes yes yes! i'm so happy that jessie is gone! i feeel horrible that she was sick, but she thought she was AMAZING & she really wasn't that awesome. so sarah & pascha will be together now! that will be interesting.
that dance that Hok & jaime did the other night.......WHOAAAA baby!

i hope you're having a magical evening.

kathryn said...

oh Tee, you're lucky! Hopefully you won't have that to face until you're waaay older?!

Cee!!!!! i can never get over that affirming, sweet heart of yours! You are such an encourager!!! Cutie pie!!!

i love how you make up your own words. . i also like to do that, but not with nearly as much flare as you! Gordon Ramsay's fearsome!!! if i was in those kitchens being screamed at by him i'd either dissolve in tears or want to hit him! Julia's definitely the most capable in my view, but she does lack 'chef experience' which she'd need to run a fine dining establishment. . SYTYCD. . . Hok and Jamie's dance!!!! OH, MY GOSH!!!! Right up there with the Mia Michael's choreography which Travis danced last year with his partner (the park bench/flower routine). MEMORABLE!!!! Jessie wasn't very gracious, was she? Jesus, on the other hand, was extremely gracious in defeat. I love that show!!! I AM having a magical evening, i hope you are too?!! xoxox