Saturday, November 05, 2005

a glimpse

I'm not sure why it happens sometimes, i only know that it does. Its always fleeting. Sometimes, while i'm participating in life, 'in the minute' like we all do, i see beyond what seems to be there. Today I had a glimpse behind the veil while i was driving under the gunmetal gray, rain-heavy sky. The wipers clicked and dragged the windshield clean. The glow of the instrument panel gauges lit up the van's interior. My thoughts were quiet, beneath the surface, you know? But I did think of my friend, whose dear aunt just passed away, as i drove past her house on my way to check out a home interiors boutique, or so i thought! More on that. . . .

I wasn't hurried for once. I deliberately drove the speed limit for the first time in i don't know how long. I actually felt calm behind the wheel, which seems fairly foreign to me!! The CD was going and the music was almost in synch with the windshield wipers. . i love when those serendipitous things happen. ". . . . and how could such a thing shine its light on me and make everything beautiful?" The irony of the words, i could see no light shining except maybe the glare of garish traffic lights, all smeary in the drizzled glass. . i thought about light as i drove in the dark. the simple acoustic guitar and single voice matched my mood. .

I listened and drove. . . "and you should hear the angels sing, all gathered round their King. . more beautiful than you could dream, I've been quietly listening i can hear them now . . . "
I could see this scene in my head - it seemed like something from Lord of the Rings. . you know, where the crowds gather around newly-crowned King Aragorn, all pressed in - their respect and gratitude emanating towards and encircling him, like some invisible crown, more valuable than the one they placed on his head. I pictured something grander than even this, something beyond heart stirring, something holy - a King. . angels I pictured the sound of legions of voices, surrounding this king. . . a hard to describe, supernatural sound. The King. . i thought of a king so different from any other and i thought "Yes, everyone should believe in a such a king. A king is good. A king is strong and just. A king will make everything right again. It may seem medieval, archaic at this point in history, but it feels right to me.

I had this feeling. . like something I can't even say. Was it the music? Was it the image unfolding within my mind? Was it the melancholy weather? Was it just that i was quiet and I was listening? Was it everything converging?

". . . how could such a king shine his light on me? and make everything beautiful? and i wanna shine, i wanna be a light, i wanna tell you it'll be all right, and i wanna shine and i wanna fly, just to tell you now, it'll be all right, it'll be all right, yeah. cuz i got nothing of my own to give to you, but this light that shines on me, shines on you. . . and makes everything beautiful again. .. it'll be all right. ." I wanted all this too. . the words were just too perfect -- I want to believe them. . . i do believe.

I felt so wistful as I drove down King street, which i thought that was so unbelievably appropriate. This moment was like . . like when you're driving down a dark highway and you're driving through this rolling, thick fog. Its hard to see, you keep going. You pray that you don't drive into anyone, you hope you don't drive off road and get ditched. Its difficult going, stressful. All of a sudden the fog rolls right out and you're in the clear!! Its so beautiful and you relax and unclench your jaw. . you breathe. The hidden becomes clear for a beautiful moment. . but as quick as your visibility became perfect, it fogs up and blurs again; but you keep going, because you want to see again and you want to be in the clear at last.

I wasn't expecting to be able to see better on a day with such limited visiblity. I didn't think a quick drive across town would result in a peek behind the curtain, but I'm glad it did. As for my intended destination. . it was just an expensive, pretentious disappointment! a gilded carrot on a stick. I had thought that was why I had jumped in the van. . but I really think it was just so that i'd have that glimpse of God and maybe to run an errand for him while i was at it.

As it turned out, i found another shop that felt just like going home. . it was beautiful and welcoming and affordable and so appropriately called "On a Whim", which is exactly why i went there. . .and spotted a beautiful, milk-white filigree candle jar, encircled with angels *wow*. . . I had it wrapped up for my grieving friend and dropped it in her mailbox on my way home down that same road, listening again to that gorgeous song, which didn't give me that kind of vision the second time but did give me the goosebumps and a feeling of gratitude.


Lindsay said...

I don't get it. Is the king vision a metaphor for Jesus, or do you wish that society could live under a meaningful monarchy like they did in the old days, when the king/queen's reign meant ultimate authority and leadership, unlike the figurehead position it's become? I don't see how it's any different these days, it's just that the word 'king' has been replaced by 'prime minister' or 'president', the job's the same. I get the feeling that I'm way off here! At any rate, I'd rather have a queen.

Kathryn said...

Yes, the King is Jesus. Some people may not believe that, but most people will have that desire for the ultimate, good leader, authority they can trust. Ppl are so independent these days and often have a problem with authority, i think because on the whole they haven't been able to put their trust in it. Authority has disappointed them, authority has become corrupt. Sparks always fly when people get talking about politics and such. I wonder how many Canadians have ever felt that any PM has been a great, perfect, wise, trustworthy leader? The 'Aragorn coronation' to me gave me a picture to go along with what the song was saying. . i find it hard to picture Heavenly scenes, God, angels, etc. It helps me to have something I can relate it to. You're not way off. . its a good discussion.

People still have this need to make someone regal. . JFK and the whole "Camelot" thing, Elvis!, someone they can idolize, celebrities, prominent political figures.

Lindsay said...

I agree that people definitely do have a big problem with authority and disrespect towards leaders - man, if today's society could be plunked back in time to the medieval ages or even the renaissance, there would be so many hangings for treason, treasonous talk, etc. All those people wearing the joke shirts with president Bush's face on them would be beheaded! Somewhere along the line people stopped living in awe and unfailing loyalty of their leaders. It's hard to pinpoint when this happened, it's just one of those things that happen so gradually you can't notice it.

Kathryn said...

yeah, somewhere along the long ppl lost their awe for their leaders, i think because their leaders weren't leading them well.