want to say

i want to say something worth something
but i've really had such a dearth of sayable things lately
its a mystery to me why sometimes words flow out of me like a swollen spring river
and other times they're dried up, dessicated
and i feel so out of control in that whole process
never have been in control
and now i'm tired
and i'm in a funny mood
and its a work night
and i haven't made my lunch yet
and i should be in bed

i hope you're well?
are you?

good night

words

i heard some not so commonly used words in movie dialogue tonight:
hubris
perjorative
subsume

i found that exciting because
i love words, vocabulary
love the sound of them
love using them
love reading them

but i do love words for more than function

i'm fascinated by the power they contain

and yet terrified. .

i don't think we understand words in this context. . .

sometimes i think we humans talk too much

sometimes i think we don't talk enough

overcommunicate

fail to communciate

miscommunicate

the weight of words, their power
their link to action
what we say has a direct effect on what happens
or doesn't
speak too soon and it can be diastrous
speak too late and its the same thing
speak too much and the overflow of words spills away like run off
speak too little and the words dry up along with your ability to have a say
speak without action. . .
blah, blah, blah
act first, speak after = regrets, damage
speak lies = destruction
speak love = restoration

speechless?
does that happen often?
i think too little
and what can stop words?

awe -- is that something humanity is still capable of feeling? dropped jaw, dumbfounded

disaster -- often snatches the words from our mouths

sorrow -- smothers words, makes us put our hands over our mouths, physically showing that we have none

realization -- running smack into the brick wall of undisputed truth -- open mouthed, no sound

i think the trick is balance and wisdom
knowing when to speak and what to say
controlling the flow of words so there's no waste
but making sure to speak when its called for
understanding how your words affect others
knowing that from the overflow of your heart, your mouth speaks
what's in the heart?
whatever comes out of our mouth.

complaints
unkindness
criticism
f bombs and talk of excrement
hope
encouragement
double entendres
infidelity
truth
gossip
grace
love
prejudice
curses
blessing
prayer

i think i'm a bird killer

I was heading in to work this morning, early. . . around 7:15 (well, that's early for me anyway!)
Driving along on my patented 'short cut' route for the impatient and speedy,
I made a left turn, rounded the corner and accelerated. That's when it happened.
You know how birds fly in small groups and they do that swoop, then rise thing of theirs?
Well, the front of my van met one bird still in the swoop.
I looked in my rearview and didn't see it pull up at the last minute.
I have a feeling it ended up on the grassy boulevard.
It was a plump, little robin -- harbinger of spring.
That's right, i killed spring, which is why the day started off kind of warm, then got considerably colder. . its all my fault!
I feel bad.

love random!!!

today, i took my afternoon walk break through the hospital.
my lovely place of employment
i walked through the "A" wing, swung around the bend in the hall and took the furthest stairwell down to the basement level (this is part of my 'i can't stand sitting on my butt any more and i must get up' daily ritual).
On the landing of the stairwell sat this huge, random chair!
i realize this is not terribly exciting,
but there's never a chair there, it was so random

i don't know why but i love to see random things in places where they don't belong!

we have a running joke in our family. .

say we're driving along. .driving.. suddenly there's a shoe sitting in the middle of the road. One of us will say: "Random shoe". Then we laugh. ha ha ha haha. .we find this funny.

last spring i happened to look out the front room window and saw a woman walking a small horse. Random!! The whole family was here, having family lunch. We all went outside to talk to this woman and pet the pony.

i was in the lunch room the other day, fishing a pear out of my lunch bag. Janey was also in there getting something. I looked in the bag and 'bing'. . sitting on top of my food sat a random white serviette with "I love you" written in pen (Rob made my lunch). Random surprise! Yeah, i got made fun of. those girls have no romance in their souls! i did get a few "awww's" though.

Speaking of lunch. . . today i was digging around in my lunch bag pocket to see if i had a knife to loan Louise. . i did!
in the pocket i found a random, yellow ju jube!
of course i ate it
it was a bit stale though.

for me, "random" almost seems magical -- i didn't see it get there, it doesn't belong there, but is suddenly just there. i like that. .
a little randomness punctuating the routine pattern of every day.