Sunday, November 04, 2007

leaving things

Today i was cooking and thinking, to music.
I was making a meal for my family --
every meal leaves a memory
such a simple thing,
a small way to show love.

I started to think about so many people i know, i've known.
I was thinking about what they've left.
I don't really mean physical departure leaving, though some have physically departed in a locational way and some in an eternal way.
I'm thinking along emotional, soul lines you know?
the things people leave every day.

i know people who travel the world.
They leave home to do more leaving,
leaving music in the air of countless gyms, halls, arenas and venues around the globe.
leaving well-spoken words of encouragement, challenge.
leaving behind smiles and photographs, autographs

i know people who don't go anywhere.
they stay but they leave --
words
impressions
feelings
honesty
looks
wisdom
experience
talent

some people leave big things. . things that people who don't even know them would know about.
sure, lots of people have left big things -big things can be good or bad.
legacies
atrocities
most of us don't leave 'big', but even the small can take on big proportions.

i know someone who paid tribute to his departed wife by describing all that she left.
not 'things', not big. .
moments --
he loved her for them all.
i loved her too.
she left me memories,
good ones

i know people who brought so much with them and left even more
when they departed. . changed lives, thoughts, perspectives
Things left will always remain. .
this can be really good.

i knew people i thought would never die.
my child's mind could not accept this kind of leaving.
by the time they did, they had left so much
i feel like i am 'me' because of the accumulation of all the
things they might not have thought much about.
things i might not have really appreciated at the time -but do now.
memories
feelings

i want to be more intentional about what i leave.
yes, i'm ashamed of all the bad stuff i've left. .
angry words
bad responses
knee-jerk reactions
selfish choices
things i can't change
*only human? yes.
still, there's a higher calling.*

i can't leave what isn't fit to leave
no matter if someone else did.
i can't allow this to colour what i leave.
its hard to break cycles like this,
but not impossible.

i want to live my days being conscious of what i leave for others
i can't leave what i don't have.
love is the only thing that makes everything all right.
its not often easy to receive,
or give. . .
but its the only thing worth leaving.

in your love, my salvation lies in your love
my salvation lies in your love . . - Alexi Murdoch "Orange Sky"


Lets stop just saying we love each other, lets really show it by our actions- its by our actions that we know we are living in the Truth. portions of 1 John 3: 18 - 19

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

...

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is he quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.' "

[Mary Anne Radmacher]

...

I'm thankful for new mercies every day...

Tee/Tracy said...

My soul drank this up today. Thank as usual for your deep thoughts and beautiful words. They inspire me to be a better person :)

Anonymous said...

This is the most beautiful/profound post. I have been thinking of things I have left and what I have left others with. My self concious self thinks entirely too much on what others have left me with...so I'm in a state of letting some of thoes things go. Strange how even bad things can become like old friends and I am sad to say good-by...but it still must be done.

kathryn said...

dear women. . Emma, Tee and Faith:

I'm so glad this meant something to you and that you were able to find something in it to take into yourselves. thank you for always LEAVING your loving comments.

Jonny, Julie, Ben Pollock said...

Thanks for this! I've started to question myself on what I am "leaving" as a trail of my life. And what opportunities I have missed because of ignorance, selfishness, or being downright afraid!

Thank you!

kathryn said...

Hey, J&J! So glad to hear from you. Are you both well? How are things in Mexico??!!! I'm glad this post resonated with you.

kat :)