Sunday, November 04, 2007

leaving things

Today i was cooking and thinking, to music.
I was making a meal for my family --
every meal leaves a memory
such a simple thing,
a small way to show love.

I started to think about so many people i know, i've known.
I was thinking about what they've left.
I don't really mean physical departure leaving, though some have physically departed in a locational way and some in an eternal way.
I'm thinking along emotional, soul lines you know?
the things people leave every day.

i know people who travel the world.
They leave home to do more leaving,
leaving music in the air of countless gyms, halls, arenas and venues around the globe.
leaving well-spoken words of encouragement, challenge.
leaving behind smiles and photographs, autographs

i know people who don't go anywhere.
they stay but they leave --
words
impressions
feelings
honesty
looks
wisdom
experience
talent

some people leave big things. . things that people who don't even know them would know about.
sure, lots of people have left big things -big things can be good or bad.
legacies
atrocities
most of us don't leave 'big', but even the small can take on big proportions.

i know someone who paid tribute to his departed wife by describing all that she left.
not 'things', not big. .
moments --
he loved her for them all.
i loved her too.
she left me memories,
good ones

i know people who brought so much with them and left even more
when they departed. . changed lives, thoughts, perspectives
Things left will always remain. .
this can be really good.

i knew people i thought would never die.
my child's mind could not accept this kind of leaving.
by the time they did, they had left so much
i feel like i am 'me' because of the accumulation of all the
things they might not have thought much about.
things i might not have really appreciated at the time -but do now.
memories
feelings

i want to be more intentional about what i leave.
yes, i'm ashamed of all the bad stuff i've left. .
angry words
bad responses
knee-jerk reactions
selfish choices
things i can't change
*only human? yes.
still, there's a higher calling.*

i can't leave what isn't fit to leave
no matter if someone else did.
i can't allow this to colour what i leave.
its hard to break cycles like this,
but not impossible.

i want to live my days being conscious of what i leave for others
i can't leave what i don't have.
love is the only thing that makes everything all right.
its not often easy to receive,
or give. . .
but its the only thing worth leaving.

in your love, my salvation lies in your love
my salvation lies in your love . . - Alexi Murdoch "Orange Sky"


Lets stop just saying we love each other, lets really show it by our actions- its by our actions that we know we are living in the Truth. portions of 1 John 3: 18 - 19

6 comments:

emma said...

...

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is he quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.' "

[Mary Anne Radmacher]

...

I'm thankful for new mercies every day...

Tee said...

My soul drank this up today. Thank as usual for your deep thoughts and beautiful words. They inspire me to be a better person :)

faith said...

This is the most beautiful/profound post. I have been thinking of things I have left and what I have left others with. My self concious self thinks entirely too much on what others have left me with...so I'm in a state of letting some of thoes things go. Strange how even bad things can become like old friends and I am sad to say good-by...but it still must be done.

kathryn said...

dear women. . Emma, Tee and Faith:

I'm so glad this meant something to you and that you were able to find something in it to take into yourselves. thank you for always LEAVING your loving comments.

Jonny & Julie Pollock said...

Thanks for this! I've started to question myself on what I am "leaving" as a trail of my life. And what opportunities I have missed because of ignorance, selfishness, or being downright afraid!

Thank you!

kathryn said...

Hey, J&J! So glad to hear from you. Are you both well? How are things in Mexico??!!! I'm glad this post resonated with you.

kat :)