Saturday, May 19, 2007

how can i explain?

i don't know how to start. . . so much to say, too much. I feel more than i can see and touch, i hear more than my ears receive, i think past my superficial thoughts - i feel what waits beyond and i know that my life is lived in the shadow of more than i can understand. There is a longing i feel when i'm not preoccupied with myself, with others, with busy work. . with life. Its always there -- i'm just not always aware. When i am, i find it hard to describe. All the similes and analogies seem to have flaws, limitations. "God has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end." (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
There, that says it better.

Brian Houston is one of my favourite songwriters. "You Are Mystical" is a wonderful song. My mind goes to this one often. . . especially when i feel so 'unfinished'. The first line of the song has come to mind a surprising number of times. It helps me to understand that its okay if i don't understand. "You are mystical and deep, you take your rest but you never sleep. . ."
The second line comforts me. "You watch me like a mother does, every scar and every tear and fall." The chorus shows the mystery of God, and paradoxically the answer for my questions. "For you're everywhere, in every place, in every time and every space
and every breath that i take, you lend. You're the only one who satisfies, the only one who makes my life make sense." I love and embrace this longing and mystery. I am learning how faith works. "What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see." (Hebrews 11) I am learning to love this restlessness, because its been 'planted in my heart' to keep my spirit alive.