i don't have a pumpkin

What kind of self-professed lover of pumpkins doesn't have one in late October?!!!

I'm ashamed to admit that I don't -- though this afternoon I passed a gigantic pumpkin patch - the kind of patch The Great Pumpkin would be proud to rise from! It's been pretty bleak and cloudy here the last couple of weeks solid. It's driving everybody bonkers. So, the sight of that shabby brown field dotted with happy, orange orbs. . . lifted my spirits. How can i say why i love them so much? The sight of them gives me joy. All the childhood memories of carving . . the smell of the pumpkin, the feel of the cold, stringy pulp. . drawing on the face with a marker, cutting out the triangle eyes and nose, slicing the wide grin on "Jack's" face. . the excitement of seeing him all lit up for duty on Halloween night!!! Roasting those seeds and crunching those salty nuggets. What a treat!

I used to have a plastic jack-o-lantern candy holder. . i loved that thing, its smiling face, its black handle. I loved the way my voice echoed when i yelled into it. Once I got older/more greedy i tossed my beloved pumpkin aside for a pillow case!! What a fondness I have for those round cuties. In school I loved story time in the fall. Naturally there would be stories about pumpkins!!! *this thrilled me to no end* I can still see the teacher sitting in her chair, while we sat cross legged on the floor at her feet. She turned the glossy book pages neatly and efficiently, after holding them open for just the right amount of time. Her voice was pleasant. The stories were seasonally magical. We sang this little French Halloween song , "La Citrouielle". I loved it, not because it was a particularly good song, but just cuz it was about a pumpkin! Not to mention that the memories it conjured were a far sight better than the mournful "Have You Seen The Ghost of John"? (long white bones with the skin all gone. . ick!)

This October has been the stinkiest, dreariest one in a long time. . and November. . it is so nasty that it just makes me wanna stick needles in my eyes. I think I need a SADD light?! Soooooo, yeah, I'm wishing i was lying on a warm beach somewhere where the sun is actually visible for longer than 1 hour, 1 day a week. I still hold out hope for some sunshine. Am I naive?! Nah, on second thought - don't tell me. .naive works for me now.

I haven't bought the Halloween candy yet. . cuz we'd just eat it all and then have to go out and buy more! Maybe if i was on the ball i would buy stuff we hate?! Gotta stop buying those chocolate bars!!!! they might be fun size in the wrapper. . but when they all get together to gang up on my body - there ain't nothing fun sized about that! When i was a kid and still had a metabolism, the chocolate bars were like 'gold'. . the more you got, the more successful your night was. The big mistake was sorting out the haul in front of your family. . cuz you just know they were doin' mental inventory!!!! You guarded your stash - in vain - everyone knew your hiding places. Ever wonder why when you got back from school your count was off? Oh, the memories. . and the cavities!!!

Fall. . . so much to celebrate --an extra hour of sleep!, harvest abundance, flame-red bushes, golden trees, rust-coloured leafy sidewalks - corn stalks awaiting the combine, hay bales laying in the fields like giant shredded wheat biscuits. . drooping apple trees, heavy with fruit and yes beautiful pumpkins everywhere. Summer's freshness slowly decays, but with such grace and beauty, i almost don't mind. Autumn (usually!) is such a gorgeous, glowing time. If only i could enjoy it on its own, detached from the spectre of looming winter.

I think i'll visit the pumpkin patch. . there's something almost soul less about lifting one out of a giant bin in a fluorescent store. I want to see its little bed, see the earth and smell the field smells. .