kitchen fiasco

well i never thought i'd say this, but i did some baking the other day and i regretted it severely. Everything i made tasted like &^%$ Wow, was that ever a waste of time, ingredients and effort. I still feel slightly traumatized. I am trying to eat a more nutritious diet, Rob is doing this with me and everything was going really well until i decided to bake some of the recipes in this book: http://www.gidiet.com/en-ca

While i absolutely recommend the methods and the food choices, etc. for this lifestyle plan, i cannot, in good conscience, recommend baking any of their snacks or desserts. The "peanut butter bars" tasted liked cardboard. The "apple bran muffins" had such a sickly sweet aftertaste, gag me. Oh, man. . . what to do? I have realized that i can't live without baking. . it is like a lifelong form of therapy for me. When i bake, i feel fabulous. I love my tools, my kitchen. . i love beating the butter and sugar together, cracking the eggs, melting the chocolate, assembling a cake, pulling a pan of cookies out of the oven, rolling out a pie crust, working with fruit, spices. The smells, the feel of kneading dough, the sight of shiny, darkly delicious ganache when it cascades in a chocolatey sheet over truffles, cakes. . such a thrill. When i was a little girl there was no food network, in fact there were very few cooking shows, but what few existed, i watched with fascination. The French Chef, The Galloping Gourmet, Ruth Fremes' show on CBC, even the Kraft commercials during the Carol Burnett Show, showing those adept, manicured hands, mixing ingredients in glass bowls *i don't know why they didn't show the whole person, but it was still cool* . . . i loved them all! So, you can see how this ridiculously depressing baking session seemed to threaten an entire lifetime of enjoyment, from my sandbox 'bakery' to mastering a genoise sponge cake. This made me feel like i used to feel when i was 9 years old and my pie crust turned out as tough as shoe leather, or my cookies melted into one thin, brittle mess on the cookie sheet. NOT COOL!!!

So, for 80% of the time I will be a good girl and i will eat well and stick to g.i. index, but when and if i bake anything, it MUST be without splenda, without 'liquid egg product', without enough fibre to choke a horse and i WILL use butter, chocolate, sugar, cream, real eggs and other luxurious goodies! Life is too short to pretend that fibrous gloop can pass for baking. Dear baking, let's never speak of that horrific episode again. . . we'll just have to see a bit less of each other, i love you just the way you are!!!

World Container

Ever get so grooved in with an album you can't stop playing it?!!!! Of course you have!!!! Well, this band: http://www.thehip.com is so playing around and around in my head these days i have to keep playing the disc until i can't play it any more. Problem is, i haven't gotten there yet! play, play, play, play, play. . i love it! The lyrics. . . well they're sort of inscrutable but i absolutely can't resist the pull. Nothing makes sense but it all makes perfect sense. the vocals rock, the rock rocks. My daughters and even Rob, well they were fans before i was. Rob and KK recently saw them live! *lucky ducks*. If you're not familiar with their stuff, check out their site, give a listen to some tracks, maybe? If you love 'em, AWESOME!

night!

p.s. i've given my head a shake and come out of my incoherent funk, i guess you might have noticed? still feel the same, but life is all about learning to live with the tension of living, right? sometimes emotional wrecks like me get wrecked. . . occupational hazard.

whack

what's happening????

why is there such darkness and how is it that some people cross over and swim in it? then pull others down in their undertow.

things are out of whack. things are whack. these random jabs suddenly shake us. no one talks about much else and we all say the same things. we try to make sense of senseless. how hard is that? there's so much going on, here, there. close. far. what to do? why bombs in markets? why displaced and home-less? why pain? why injustice? why mud huts and parasitic water holes? why so many long rows of chocolate bars in fluorescent storehouses? infinity pools at Home Depot? so many colours of paint? cushions at Homesense, with tassles or without? The sky is falling, or the ice caps are melting and the parties on The Hill argue about the cost of Kyoto and incandescent bulbs will soon be gone. We recycled our old computer parts today. I apologize. . .i can't seem to be coherent, but maybe this makes sense?

time to sign off. . next time i'll have pictures and i'll be together, perhaps.

that's love

you took on what you despised, so i could live in paradise, that's love -- that's love
you became the thing you hate, so i could walk through heaven's gate, you gave me life. . .
that's love

you were wronged and turned your cheek
You let them think that you were weak
you had a chance but did not speak
you took my blame. . . that's love

the whip fell down and cut your skin
so i could be redeemed from sin that's love. . that's love
you let them pierce your feet and hands
so i could reach the promised land
you felt my pain. . . that's love


you could have called your angels down, but you wore
that thorny crown and as they gambled for your gown
you bore my shame. . . that's love

you were crushed and bruised and torn
so that i could be reborn. . that's love, that's love
you were slain and broken down
so that i could wear a crown
you saved my soul
that's love

death could not contain your love
you rose and broke its chains with love
and i'm forever changed by love
your love. . . your love